Today I was feeling more positive. Woke up with the wish to feel better and exercise and try and take control. I got out and walked, I applied for a ton of jobs, good ones shitty ones, ones I probably can't even do.
Anyway, the rain came back. It always does.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Like a sleigh ride to hell
that's my life. friendless, jobless, penniless, loveless, wish I was lifeless at times.
Finally made it to the immigration lawyer. Nothing but bad news. My mom has been an extraordinary bitch lately. She says I don't know what reality is and T is a failure as a husband and father. I wish he would hold me sometimes and give me comfort but he doesn't. He just plays online games and ignores our lives spiraling into ruin. I have applied for so many jobs and not one has called me back. I don't know what I am doing wrong. Even that part time job I had for two days is advertising again. He was yelling at me to report them to the labor board for not contacting me back after my mom made me go there but how will that help? Our stupid old car has turned into a money pit and bad luck attractor. It already has been hit and run in a store parking lot, we got a flat tire from running over a nail on the way to the immigration office. The CV joint is broken, the speedometer doesn't work, the muffler if broken, I don't know what else.
M has been sick and I finally had to take her to the doctor. Turned out she has a bladder infection and was bleeding. I have to take her again for a follow up visit to see if the medication is working. I am 90 percent sure something is wrong with me health wise. I have had pain in my left side for months now and sores are forming in my hair. All my friends are involved in their own lives and their own drama so we don't talk anymore. Partially it's my fault because I almost can't handle a normal conversation anymore.
If he has to go back to Japan, then what will we do? Why doesn't he want to talk about this? This is why I never wanted a kid, I knew I couldn't take care of one because I can't even take care of myself and my vision was true. I can't take care of her, or me, or him. I am not smart enough or pretty enough or personable. I can't even talk to my friends, I am sure they are sick of this song over and over.
Anyway, press play while you can.
Finally made it to the immigration lawyer. Nothing but bad news. My mom has been an extraordinary bitch lately. She says I don't know what reality is and T is a failure as a husband and father. I wish he would hold me sometimes and give me comfort but he doesn't. He just plays online games and ignores our lives spiraling into ruin. I have applied for so many jobs and not one has called me back. I don't know what I am doing wrong. Even that part time job I had for two days is advertising again. He was yelling at me to report them to the labor board for not contacting me back after my mom made me go there but how will that help? Our stupid old car has turned into a money pit and bad luck attractor. It already has been hit and run in a store parking lot, we got a flat tire from running over a nail on the way to the immigration office. The CV joint is broken, the speedometer doesn't work, the muffler if broken, I don't know what else.
M has been sick and I finally had to take her to the doctor. Turned out she has a bladder infection and was bleeding. I have to take her again for a follow up visit to see if the medication is working. I am 90 percent sure something is wrong with me health wise. I have had pain in my left side for months now and sores are forming in my hair. All my friends are involved in their own lives and their own drama so we don't talk anymore. Partially it's my fault because I almost can't handle a normal conversation anymore.
If he has to go back to Japan, then what will we do? Why doesn't he want to talk about this? This is why I never wanted a kid, I knew I couldn't take care of one because I can't even take care of myself and my vision was true. I can't take care of her, or me, or him. I am not smart enough or pretty enough or personable. I can't even talk to my friends, I am sure they are sick of this song over and over.
Anyway, press play while you can.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
