Trying to get ready to go on our 3 day escape from our house. I mistakenly asked if I could use their printer so I could print out the directions to where we are going. I was lulled by the fake Christmas cheer they had been showing us. Dazzled by a one line email from my mother which read "Love you, mom" though it may have been for M, I made an assumption that they were nicer and more jolly.
I would be the first antelope killed in the pack, this is why I am not a wild animal. Upon my asking if I could use their printer I was assailed by accusations. "NO, you can't use our printer, we are sick of you prowling around upstairs" that was the exact wording my father used when I asked. "You don't have any right to be up here" they continued. "Why did you buy M shoes? Why does she need shoes?" You should be paying us rent instead of buying shoes." went on and on and on. stressing me so much I ended up yelling at M. That's the way it goes. They yell at me. I, in turn, yell at my family, M cries and T yells back. This is how my family will be destroyed if I can't get the hell away from these f#cking pieces of sh&t that call themselves my parents.
My New Year's Resolution "get away from them no matter what I have to do before we are destroyed" and "Never come back"
also lose weight, stop dressing like I am blind, live for the now instead of in the past or in the future, and love my little girl like there is no tomorrow.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Washed a disposable diaper in the washing machine
It's that kind of a day. M must have thrown one of her disposable diapers in the laundry basket and I didn't notice. There are some kind of chemical beads alllll over my laundry and the washing machine.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Mouse Wars
As most of you know, the mouse escaped two nights ago by chewing his way through the plastic top of the aquarium. He did that in one night! Now he is loose in the kitchen again. We have been engaged in a battle of wits the past few nights and he is clearly beating me. He hasn't been lured in by the have a heart traps I have left out. He even went so far to insult me by chewing on the outside of one. Some how he is even eating the food inside the traps without setting the traps off themselves. How is that even possible?
T has been suggesting that mice are significantly smarter than we realize. Tonight however he crossed over the line of reality and into "Evil Mouse Genius" territory. Baffled as I am that the mouse can eat the food out of the trap without being trapped, T solved the whole puzzle. "One mouse holds the door open while he goes in and grabs the food" he hypothesizes.
"I told you to kill him" he adds. There it is, the "I told you so" M blabber mouth told my mom about the mouse. "What if we get that mouse poo disease, the hanta virus thing?" I complained to her. "We have had mice in our houses for YEARS" she replied "You haven't been killed by that virus so far, I doubt you will now"
What? Years? Hunh????
T has been suggesting that mice are significantly smarter than we realize. Tonight however he crossed over the line of reality and into "Evil Mouse Genius" territory. Baffled as I am that the mouse can eat the food out of the trap without being trapped, T solved the whole puzzle. "One mouse holds the door open while he goes in and grabs the food" he hypothesizes.
"I told you to kill him" he adds. There it is, the "I told you so" M blabber mouth told my mom about the mouse. "What if we get that mouse poo disease, the hanta virus thing?" I complained to her. "We have had mice in our houses for YEARS" she replied "You haven't been killed by that virus so far, I doubt you will now"
What? Years? Hunh????
Have A Magical Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday
Christmas this year went from being stone cold and grim to warm and fuzzy with the touch of a magic wand. I hope all my friends near and far have the best HOLIDAY EVER! My favorite holiday song is from "Rudolph The Rednose Reindeer"
There's always tomorrow,
For dreams to come true,
Believe in your dreams
Come what may.
There's always tomorrow,
With so much to do,
And so little time in a day.
We all pretend
The rainbow has an end
And you'll be there my friend someday.
There's always tomorrow,
For dreams to come true,
Tomorrow is not far away.
This year I felt like pre spirit visit Scrooge, then I woke up one morning and wanted to buy Tiny Tim a new leg (ok I don't remember how it really goes) but i thought the holiday was about making sure my daughter was happy on Christmas but maybe it is making sure that we remember to love each other and remember others in worse situations than ourselves. We have had so much magic this christmas that I can't deny we are blessed some how.
Even if I haven't kept in touch well over the past year, there is a place in my heart for all my friends new and old. Even if my "real" family sucks, I still have as much love and friendship as anyone has a right too. Even if you are down, you can always watch "Rudolph" for free on youtube. Love you!
Merry Christmas Everyone and Zappy Blue Beard!
There's always tomorrow,
For dreams to come true,
Believe in your dreams
Come what may.
There's always tomorrow,
With so much to do,
And so little time in a day.
We all pretend
The rainbow has an end
And you'll be there my friend someday.
There's always tomorrow,
For dreams to come true,
Tomorrow is not far away.
This year I felt like pre spirit visit Scrooge, then I woke up one morning and wanted to buy Tiny Tim a new leg (ok I don't remember how it really goes) but i thought the holiday was about making sure my daughter was happy on Christmas but maybe it is making sure that we remember to love each other and remember others in worse situations than ourselves. We have had so much magic this christmas that I can't deny we are blessed some how.
Even if I haven't kept in touch well over the past year, there is a place in my heart for all my friends new and old. Even if my "real" family sucks, I still have as much love and friendship as anyone has a right too. Even if you are down, you can always watch "Rudolph" for free on youtube. Love you!
Merry Christmas Everyone and Zappy Blue Beard!
Saturday, December 20, 2008
The Fondue was a Fondon't
Skipping some daily entries probably in the upcoming week. I am coming down with M's cold. I can feel it in my lungs and it hurts. M is still sick. The mouse escaped. My sister gave us fondue and it was heavy, wierd, and not very good. We had a mini Christmas last night because my sister had to leave to go home today so she wanted to see everyone open the gifts from her before she left. She really outdid herself with M's presents. She got very needed new pajamas, a ballerina dress, a very awesome snow suit, and some cool toys. She gave me a gift card for clothing and T and I both got matching winter scarves and some wine! She even got M and me an ornament each from the store where M broke her first glass Christmas ornament and the store owners were kind enough not to ask us to pay for it. I bet my sister felt guilty and bought something there anyway and now I will never forget that incident. The best gift was one she and M2 picked out specifically as a keepsake for M. They went to a famous pewter company "The Danforth Pewter Company" and got M her very own charm bracelet with several charms representing parts of M's life, like a turtle from hawaii, a rabbit (M is crazy for rabbits), They are planning to add to the charm bracelet every year for her. I thought that was so sweet.
She talked to me once again about how my mom and me could be nicer to each other. The topic came up because we received alot of snow over night and she told me we had to help them shovel. I woke up early to help shovel and by the time I went upstairs at 9 am they had already finished so she was mad. How was I to know they would get up at 7 am to shovel on a weekend? My dad was a cursing maniac again, burning the ears off of all of us so my sister was trying to tell me that I should be more sympathic to what my mom goes through. I don't feel that way so I didn't really listen to her. Also something disturbing happened today, my mom knew about something I only talked with a friend of mine on the phone with. I hadn't told her at all. That means either my sister told her OR she really does listen in on my phone conversations more than I thought she did. She told me today a friend of mine called me a few days ago and she told her I wasn't home. Every person who calls makes my mom interrogates me about where do I know those people from who are they what do they want. Like it's her business.
Next couple of days I think I will concentrate on resting and trying to get me and M back into fighting shape.
She talked to me once again about how my mom and me could be nicer to each other. The topic came up because we received alot of snow over night and she told me we had to help them shovel. I woke up early to help shovel and by the time I went upstairs at 9 am they had already finished so she was mad. How was I to know they would get up at 7 am to shovel on a weekend? My dad was a cursing maniac again, burning the ears off of all of us so my sister was trying to tell me that I should be more sympathic to what my mom goes through. I don't feel that way so I didn't really listen to her. Also something disturbing happened today, my mom knew about something I only talked with a friend of mine on the phone with. I hadn't told her at all. That means either my sister told her OR she really does listen in on my phone conversations more than I thought she did. She told me today a friend of mine called me a few days ago and she told her I wasn't home. Every person who calls makes my mom interrogates me about where do I know those people from who are they what do they want. Like it's her business.
Next couple of days I think I will concentrate on resting and trying to get me and M back into fighting shape.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Exhausted!!!
No comprehensive entry today, folks. M was up ALL night with her cold and in consequence so was I. With no coffee on hand my wake up time has just not happened. The craziest thing was during the night while she was not sleeping I ended up catching a freakin' MOUSE on my kitchen counter. I didn't know what to do with it (T had some grim advice - not heeded believe me) so I dumped him/her in an old aquarium and now M thinks it's some kind of pet. I am exhausted and I have a doofus mouse on my hands. In all the the places I have ever lived I never ever had a MOUSE in my house.
I need sleep!
I need sleep!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Ski Trip
In an effort to get back to the actual life story part of my blog I was remembering our ski trips my friends and I used to take. Every year we went to this event called "Snow Fest for the Animals" The place was called "Brodie Mountain" and I have since learned that it is now closed, which is very sad as it was a wonderful place to go and the owners were lovely people who cared about animal welfare.
Brodie Mountain (ski area)
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Brodie Mountain Ski Area (closed)
Location: New Ashford, Massachusetts, US
Nearest city: Pittsfield
Vertical: 1,250 ft
Runs: 40
Longest run: 2 mi
Lift system: 4 chairs: 4 Doubles
Brodie Mountain was a ski resort in New Ashford, Massachusetts, in the Taconic Mountains in the far northwestern part of the state. It opened in 1964 and thrived for a time by using then-cutting-edge innovations like top-to-bottom snowmaking and lighted night skiing. Founder Jim Kelly gave the resort an Irish theme: its nickname was "Kelly's Irish Alps"; the slopes had names like "Shamrock," "Killarney," and "JFK"; and the base lodge housed an Irish-themed saloon that did a rousing business in drinks and live music. But like many small independent ski areas, Brodie lost business over time to larger, higher-capitalized, corporate-owned resorts.
In 1999 the Kellys sold it to the owners of nearby Jiminy Peak, who closed Brodie in 2002 and sold it to a Texas-based condominium developer. The area continued to operate snow tubing, in conjunction with Jiminy Peak, through the 2006-2007 season.
With a vertical drop of 1,250 feet and four chairlifts, Brodie is the largest closed ski area in the Berkshires. Part of the mountain is now proposed for a wind energy project.
Every year we would get a group together and go to the "Snow Fest for the animals" at Brodie and every year we would get there and there would be NO SNOW! We began calling it the "Snow Farce for the animals" since we usually ended up hiking or drinking instead. Never once did we ski. We always had a great time though and one of my cherished items is the key chain I got there. When it finally broke, L gave me hers so I still have one. The first year we stayed at the actual ski lodge itself but after that we stayed off site. One year gave us the never ending joke of L getting up at 5 am and having a regular day while "normal" people slept. She has always been an early riser but that particular year one day I woke up at 8 am to find she had already gone out for coffee, took a long walk, had breakfast and was reading a newspaper! Now we joke that L will jog around the block, make breakfast, have coffee, read a book, bake a cake, all before 5 am.
These trips also gave us one of our funniest memories. My friend gave me a postcard once of a cat looking shocked with the legend "Keep your fork, there's pie!". That postcard became a big joke in our group of friends. We used to say it to each other all the time. I used it as the signature line in my emails. On our first trip to the Snowfest, we had dinner at the ski lodge with a large group of assembled animal rights activists featuring animal activist speakers. The last speaker of the evening announced "Hope you kept your forks, there is pie!" we all looked at each other and burst out laughing. As the pie was served, sheepishly we looked at each other as we realized we hadn't kept our forks and we ended up eating our pie with spoons from our coffee. After all the years of repeating the cat's advice to keep our forks, we hadn't and had to use spoons.
Remember folks "Keep Your Forks, There is Pie!"
Brodie Mountain (ski area)
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Brodie Mountain Ski Area (closed)
Location: New Ashford, Massachusetts, US
Nearest city: Pittsfield
Vertical: 1,250 ft
Runs: 40
Longest run: 2 mi
Lift system: 4 chairs: 4 Doubles
Brodie Mountain was a ski resort in New Ashford, Massachusetts, in the Taconic Mountains in the far northwestern part of the state. It opened in 1964 and thrived for a time by using then-cutting-edge innovations like top-to-bottom snowmaking and lighted night skiing. Founder Jim Kelly gave the resort an Irish theme: its nickname was "Kelly's Irish Alps"; the slopes had names like "Shamrock," "Killarney," and "JFK"; and the base lodge housed an Irish-themed saloon that did a rousing business in drinks and live music. But like many small independent ski areas, Brodie lost business over time to larger, higher-capitalized, corporate-owned resorts.
In 1999 the Kellys sold it to the owners of nearby Jiminy Peak, who closed Brodie in 2002 and sold it to a Texas-based condominium developer. The area continued to operate snow tubing, in conjunction with Jiminy Peak, through the 2006-2007 season.
With a vertical drop of 1,250 feet and four chairlifts, Brodie is the largest closed ski area in the Berkshires. Part of the mountain is now proposed for a wind energy project.
Every year we would get a group together and go to the "Snow Fest for the animals" at Brodie and every year we would get there and there would be NO SNOW! We began calling it the "Snow Farce for the animals" since we usually ended up hiking or drinking instead. Never once did we ski. We always had a great time though and one of my cherished items is the key chain I got there. When it finally broke, L gave me hers so I still have one. The first year we stayed at the actual ski lodge itself but after that we stayed off site. One year gave us the never ending joke of L getting up at 5 am and having a regular day while "normal" people slept. She has always been an early riser but that particular year one day I woke up at 8 am to find she had already gone out for coffee, took a long walk, had breakfast and was reading a newspaper! Now we joke that L will jog around the block, make breakfast, have coffee, read a book, bake a cake, all before 5 am.
These trips also gave us one of our funniest memories. My friend gave me a postcard once of a cat looking shocked with the legend "Keep your fork, there's pie!". That postcard became a big joke in our group of friends. We used to say it to each other all the time. I used it as the signature line in my emails. On our first trip to the Snowfest, we had dinner at the ski lodge with a large group of assembled animal rights activists featuring animal activist speakers. The last speaker of the evening announced "Hope you kept your forks, there is pie!" we all looked at each other and burst out laughing. As the pie was served, sheepishly we looked at each other as we realized we hadn't kept our forks and we ended up eating our pie with spoons from our coffee. After all the years of repeating the cat's advice to keep our forks, we hadn't and had to use spoons.
Remember folks "Keep Your Forks, There is Pie!"
why do I even ask?
Made the mistake of feeling too cocky that my sister was here so it would be okay to go upstairs but wrong! Was reading the police blotter which is insanely funny, need to post some excerpts like reported stolen bag of chips, wwhen my mom walked in and I asked her if she had read the police blotter yet. She surveyed me for a moment with a look of disgust and snapped "I haven't read ANY of the paper yet" ...so that means no?
T said I should not talk to her at all. I need to heed that advice.
She then proceeded to yell at me about giving out "her" address to my flickr friends for Christmas cards. I received two cards in the mail and she questioned where I knew the people from like it's any of her business and that's when I was told I should not give out our address. WTF? Simmering in insane soup all day is basting my brain. What does she want me to do? Have no friends, no job, no life.
Again the carpenter is here today banging around sawing stuff in my grandmother's room. T and I were wondering how much that cost. Then my sister told me my parents are paying for the carpeting in my brother's house. That goes well with the snow blower he is getting, meanwhile we can't even get a ride to the drugstore to get cough syrup. When we first were trying to do the immigration paperwork and we needed a financial sponsor they cried "poor" and refused to do it. They also said they couldn't do anything to help us financially as they are really hurting and they have no idea what they are going to do themselves. Yup, they seem to be hurting. New cars, snow blowers, custom carpentry......M is still coughing like mad today but she is eating which is a good sign and she doesn't seem to have much of a fever. Hopefully this will go pretty fast. It's too bad she is sick while my sister is here. That puts a damper on the activities.
I went upstairs after being called and found a magazine opened to an article called The Dangers of Inter-racial dating. T isn't having enough English comprehension at this moment to realize how insulting that is. My sister gave me a huge lecture about how my mom and I should be nicer to each other. She said it is disturbing the holiday cheer. I told her I don't have to be nicer to a person who is definitely not nice to me. She trotted out the old chestnut "You do live here for free" it's not free, the emotional toll taken on me is enormous. I have to remind myself that M is warm and sheltered so that should stop me from complaining. I told T that he has to get us out of here any way possible. My mom has begun actively showing her dislike of me and it's starting to freak me out quite a bit. She left for the bank to get the money for the carpenter. I am sure that my grandmother in the nursing home will welcome the change in her bathroom doorway at the cost of $3,000 dollars. Even a small fraction of that would have bought us an old car and I could have accepted that job at the hospital.........
T said I should not talk to her at all. I need to heed that advice.
She then proceeded to yell at me about giving out "her" address to my flickr friends for Christmas cards. I received two cards in the mail and she questioned where I knew the people from like it's any of her business and that's when I was told I should not give out our address. WTF? Simmering in insane soup all day is basting my brain. What does she want me to do? Have no friends, no job, no life.
Again the carpenter is here today banging around sawing stuff in my grandmother's room. T and I were wondering how much that cost. Then my sister told me my parents are paying for the carpeting in my brother's house. That goes well with the snow blower he is getting, meanwhile we can't even get a ride to the drugstore to get cough syrup. When we first were trying to do the immigration paperwork and we needed a financial sponsor they cried "poor" and refused to do it. They also said they couldn't do anything to help us financially as they are really hurting and they have no idea what they are going to do themselves. Yup, they seem to be hurting. New cars, snow blowers, custom carpentry......M is still coughing like mad today but she is eating which is a good sign and she doesn't seem to have much of a fever. Hopefully this will go pretty fast. It's too bad she is sick while my sister is here. That puts a damper on the activities.
I went upstairs after being called and found a magazine opened to an article called The Dangers of Inter-racial dating. T isn't having enough English comprehension at this moment to realize how insulting that is. My sister gave me a huge lecture about how my mom and I should be nicer to each other. She said it is disturbing the holiday cheer. I told her I don't have to be nicer to a person who is definitely not nice to me. She trotted out the old chestnut "You do live here for free" it's not free, the emotional toll taken on me is enormous. I have to remind myself that M is warm and sheltered so that should stop me from complaining. I told T that he has to get us out of here any way possible. My mom has begun actively showing her dislike of me and it's starting to freak me out quite a bit. She left for the bank to get the money for the carpenter. I am sure that my grandmother in the nursing home will welcome the change in her bathroom doorway at the cost of $3,000 dollars. Even a small fraction of that would have bought us an old car and I could have accepted that job at the hospital.........
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
C U Next Tuesday, Mom
Yeah, that's right. I would tell you to your face if my daughter wasn't here. Once again you crossed the line. Showed your true colors. Don't think I will forget this.
Last night she regaled me with tales of trying to take care of me when I was a baby. Pointedly telling me that she paid my grandparents rent when she lived with them. Around 9 pm or so M began to cough and her cough got steadily worse as time went on. She got so bad I stayed up all night listening to her labored breathing. She got up several times during the night crying, sobbing and feeling awful. One time I fell asleep for a few minutes and woke up to find her lying face down on the floor. We don't have any cough medicine so all I had to give her was some allergy medicine. After a tiring night of little to no sleep for both of us. I waited until 8 am and went upstairs and asked my mom to take me to the drugstore so I could get M some children's cough medicine, tissues and some ice cream for her sore throat.
She said "no"
She has a construction man here to enlarge grandma's doorway to her bathroom. He is busy upstairs banging around, they are both going up and down our stairs to get to the utility room. M has no chance to relax and sleep. Mom says M must be ill because she caught what T had last week (food poisoning?) and told me to simply give M a vitamin and make sure to spray the carpet with Lysol and I should not bring M upstairs so no one else will get sick.
She brought down a bottle of diet soda and a pack of tissues and told me that would help make M better. My sister spent the night at her friends house and is planning to spend the day with her so I can't ask her to go. My mom keeps everyone second to my grandmother. Doesn't matter if the baby sick, gotta make sure my grandmother who can't even hold her head up anymore and is in a nursing home can get into her bathroom easier. She is obviously ignoring the fact that my grandmother will probably never be released from round the clock care.
M has perked up a little since I gave her some of the allergy medicine I think it's helping to clear her nose and let her breathe. I am surprised at how fast this cold hit her. There is no way she will be able to get a nap in. All you can hear is pounding and the sound of a drill. I want to say bad words to my mom. Can I?
My sister saved the day! She came back early from her day out with her friend and when she heard M needed medicine she immediately turned back around and went to the store. She came back with armloads of food for sick little people and medicine too!
Last night she regaled me with tales of trying to take care of me when I was a baby. Pointedly telling me that she paid my grandparents rent when she lived with them. Around 9 pm or so M began to cough and her cough got steadily worse as time went on. She got so bad I stayed up all night listening to her labored breathing. She got up several times during the night crying, sobbing and feeling awful. One time I fell asleep for a few minutes and woke up to find her lying face down on the floor. We don't have any cough medicine so all I had to give her was some allergy medicine. After a tiring night of little to no sleep for both of us. I waited until 8 am and went upstairs and asked my mom to take me to the drugstore so I could get M some children's cough medicine, tissues and some ice cream for her sore throat.
She said "no"
She has a construction man here to enlarge grandma's doorway to her bathroom. He is busy upstairs banging around, they are both going up and down our stairs to get to the utility room. M has no chance to relax and sleep. Mom says M must be ill because she caught what T had last week (food poisoning?) and told me to simply give M a vitamin and make sure to spray the carpet with Lysol and I should not bring M upstairs so no one else will get sick.
She brought down a bottle of diet soda and a pack of tissues and told me that would help make M better. My sister spent the night at her friends house and is planning to spend the day with her so I can't ask her to go. My mom keeps everyone second to my grandmother. Doesn't matter if the baby sick, gotta make sure my grandmother who can't even hold her head up anymore and is in a nursing home can get into her bathroom easier. She is obviously ignoring the fact that my grandmother will probably never be released from round the clock care.
M has perked up a little since I gave her some of the allergy medicine I think it's helping to clear her nose and let her breathe. I am surprised at how fast this cold hit her. There is no way she will be able to get a nap in. All you can hear is pounding and the sound of a drill. I want to say bad words to my mom. Can I?
My sister saved the day! She came back early from her day out with her friend and when she heard M needed medicine she immediately turned back around and went to the store. She came back with armloads of food for sick little people and medicine too!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Angels Online
There are a small circle of them that watch over us. They have very terrestrial origins though, there is a school teacher from California, the stay at home mom from the United Kingdom, the glamorous mom from Germany, the self described "wierd lady" from Oregon, the budding professional photographer from Canada, the two expats: one in Ireland and one in France, the harried mom of 4 children, two of whom are handicapped but never anything but happy and loved, the mom struggling with Lupus, the happily married mom from Jersey taking care of her son who was born premature, an unexpected diverse group of women who would soon become my angels online.
We were a small American family living in New Zealand when my husband lost his business. With the loss of his business the government denied our visa application and ordered us to leave New Zealand. With the loss of his job we had no income and after months of losing money and unable to work due to the rejected visa application we had no where to turn. We had no income and were unable to leave New Zealand. We faced arrest or deportation. I thought we were finished. That is when the Angels Online stepped in. They came together in one accord to help a family they had never met in person. Only another lonely voice crying for help from the internet. Hardly any of these Angels are extremely financially secure themselves but with no hesitation they pulled together enough money to get us extra food we needed and necessities as well as setting up donation sites and having photography donation sales. The energy of these women was amazing. How they managed to do this will always stagger me. How they could show so much love and kindness for a family they never met I will never understand but will always be grateful for. Through their efforts we managed to even get a wonderful person to lend us the money for plane tickets back the United States. They saved our lives.
We arrived in the United States and we still haven't been able to get back on our feet financially. Neither my husband or I had managed to find any kind of full time work and Christmas for my daughter was looking pretty grim. I had decided to ignore Christmas this year because I didn't want to get my daughter's hopes up and just look forward to a better next year. The Angels Online stepped in again. We will be able to get groceries and a present for my daughter. There is so much more. The feeling of relief I feel can't be described. How can I tell them how I feel? How can I let them know how much this all means to us? How can I repay them for the kindness they have shown my family the past few months? Even simply being able to tell my troubles to someone was a godsend but they went the extra mile and gave us hope, love and a life.
Thank you, Angels. I hope someday I can do for you what you have done for us and all I can say is Thank you, I love you all. You listen to me when I am down, you try and help me in everyway possible, you are generous and kind, I wish with all my heart I could do something for all of you, wish I could share some of the Christmas magic in my heart with you. I hope other people will read this and realize there are still true hearts out there and Christmas Magic will find you when you least expect it. If you help someone else in need, it will never be a bad investment.
Merry Christmas!
We were a small American family living in New Zealand when my husband lost his business. With the loss of his business the government denied our visa application and ordered us to leave New Zealand. With the loss of his job we had no income and after months of losing money and unable to work due to the rejected visa application we had no where to turn. We had no income and were unable to leave New Zealand. We faced arrest or deportation. I thought we were finished. That is when the Angels Online stepped in. They came together in one accord to help a family they had never met in person. Only another lonely voice crying for help from the internet. Hardly any of these Angels are extremely financially secure themselves but with no hesitation they pulled together enough money to get us extra food we needed and necessities as well as setting up donation sites and having photography donation sales. The energy of these women was amazing. How they managed to do this will always stagger me. How they could show so much love and kindness for a family they never met I will never understand but will always be grateful for. Through their efforts we managed to even get a wonderful person to lend us the money for plane tickets back the United States. They saved our lives.
We arrived in the United States and we still haven't been able to get back on our feet financially. Neither my husband or I had managed to find any kind of full time work and Christmas for my daughter was looking pretty grim. I had decided to ignore Christmas this year because I didn't want to get my daughter's hopes up and just look forward to a better next year. The Angels Online stepped in again. We will be able to get groceries and a present for my daughter. There is so much more. The feeling of relief I feel can't be described. How can I tell them how I feel? How can I let them know how much this all means to us? How can I repay them for the kindness they have shown my family the past few months? Even simply being able to tell my troubles to someone was a godsend but they went the extra mile and gave us hope, love and a life.
Thank you, Angels. I hope someday I can do for you what you have done for us and all I can say is Thank you, I love you all. You listen to me when I am down, you try and help me in everyway possible, you are generous and kind, I wish with all my heart I could do something for all of you, wish I could share some of the Christmas magic in my heart with you. I hope other people will read this and realize there are still true hearts out there and Christmas Magic will find you when you least expect it. If you help someone else in need, it will never be a bad investment.
Merry Christmas!
No Idea
what I was on about last night. That's what you get when you have too much Asthma medicine in your system. My asthma medication at times can zonk me out completely and even though I set my alarm today it happened. I slept through my alarm and all the way into mid day. My sister took M to go get a Christmas tree while I was asleep so she is gone now. Too bad, I would have liked to get pictures of that but I am sure she is having lots of fun.
Very nice package came to us out of the blue from T's parents! His mother sent M a wonderful gift and I can't wait to show her when she gets home. His mom sent a lovely blanket with "Totoro" on it and a stunning Noritake china rice bowl with Totoro on it. The bowl is a treasure! There is one difference between my mom and T's mom. My mom won't even let M pick out her own library books and constantly tries to make her like what my mom wants her to like while T's mom knows what M truly does like and gifts accordingly. She really is a kind person, when we lived with them she used to make me a big nice lunch every day and when she couldn't she gave me $30 to buy myself something at the store. Of course, she has her moments when she drove me absolutely nuts but not to the extent my mom does and it was never malicious like my mom is, just intrusive. She told me I made a mistake marrying her son but she was glad I was her daughter in law. Never knew what to say to that one.
Also in the package from T's parents was some of the paperwork we needed to process his immigration so if we get the paperwork from the finanacial sponsor we can proceed. That's good news. I have a sense of impending doom about the whole thing so hopefully it'S just my natural pessimism coming into play.
If you have never seen "Tonari no Totoro" or "My Neighbor Totoro" I can't recommend it highly enough. I think it's one of the most magical children's movies ever made. M could watch it on a loop all day long if I let her. Someday I hope to take her to the Totoro park in Japan. As well as Hello Kitty land. she would go nuts!
Very nice package came to us out of the blue from T's parents! His mother sent M a wonderful gift and I can't wait to show her when she gets home. His mom sent a lovely blanket with "Totoro" on it and a stunning Noritake china rice bowl with Totoro on it. The bowl is a treasure! There is one difference between my mom and T's mom. My mom won't even let M pick out her own library books and constantly tries to make her like what my mom wants her to like while T's mom knows what M truly does like and gifts accordingly. She really is a kind person, when we lived with them she used to make me a big nice lunch every day and when she couldn't she gave me $30 to buy myself something at the store. Of course, she has her moments when she drove me absolutely nuts but not to the extent my mom does and it was never malicious like my mom is, just intrusive. She told me I made a mistake marrying her son but she was glad I was her daughter in law. Never knew what to say to that one.
Also in the package from T's parents was some of the paperwork we needed to process his immigration so if we get the paperwork from the finanacial sponsor we can proceed. That's good news. I have a sense of impending doom about the whole thing so hopefully it'S just my natural pessimism coming into play.
If you have never seen "Tonari no Totoro" or "My Neighbor Totoro" I can't recommend it highly enough. I think it's one of the most magical children's movies ever made. M could watch it on a loop all day long if I let her. Someday I hope to take her to the Totoro park in Japan. As well as Hello Kitty land. she would go nuts!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Ganbatte!
Do my best! Give myself a pep talk here. Tomorrow tell T I love him, Hug M extra hard. Get up early and do something to make myself feel better. Remember this journal is for my memories not to complain!
Jump around and dance to Honto No Jibun in a silly manner but get inspired to have a great day!
Honto No Jibun (true self)
As long as I live, even if I'm covered in rocks,
I'll yell in a loud voice that I'll do my best! Do my best! (Do my best!)
There's no stopping my life,
so I'll sing a never-ending song
I'll push forward on my own path
It doesn't matter if I have a random character
Even if you're a loser, I love you My darling
There are times when it pours and times where it's clear
Don't mind the little things
I want to give you a kiss for the big tomorrow
I do my best without giving up
Actually I think I will try doing parapara with M for fun. parapara was a popular kind of synchronized dance in Japan. You still see it alot. M really got into it when she saw it on a tv in a japanese department store. I am terrible at synchronization but that only adds to the fun.
Here is a lesson on a short routine (I love when he says "chopu chopu")
This one is so cute!
This one I can do a little of..Maeken trance project by comedian Maeda Ken
I know this is probably more than you would ever need to know about me but I believe that you need an element of silliness in your life to stop the madness. I think that's what happened with my mom, she lost touch with her inner "silly"
BTW did you know you can watch episodes of The Love Boat on CBS Classics anytime you want?
Jump around and dance to Honto No Jibun in a silly manner but get inspired to have a great day!
Honto No Jibun (true self)
As long as I live, even if I'm covered in rocks,
I'll yell in a loud voice that I'll do my best! Do my best! (Do my best!)
There's no stopping my life,
so I'll sing a never-ending song
I'll push forward on my own path
It doesn't matter if I have a random character
Even if you're a loser, I love you My darling
There are times when it pours and times where it's clear
Don't mind the little things
I want to give you a kiss for the big tomorrow
I do my best without giving up
Actually I think I will try doing parapara with M for fun. parapara was a popular kind of synchronized dance in Japan. You still see it alot. M really got into it when she saw it on a tv in a japanese department store. I am terrible at synchronization but that only adds to the fun.
Here is a lesson on a short routine (I love when he says "chopu chopu")
This one is so cute!
This one I can do a little of..Maeken trance project by comedian Maeda Ken
I know this is probably more than you would ever need to know about me but I believe that you need an element of silliness in your life to stop the madness. I think that's what happened with my mom, she lost touch with her inner "silly"
BTW did you know you can watch episodes of The Love Boat on CBS Classics anytime you want?
Ice Storm
At least 800,000 customers in New England are still without electricity on Sunday after an ice storm ravaged the region, officials say.
An ice storm felled many trees in Boston and elsewhere across Massachusetts.
President Bush has authorized federal aid by declaring a state of emergency in New Hampshire and Massachusetts.
Joseph Shoplack stayed at a Red Cross shelter Saturday night in Southwick. He lasted only one day in his home without power or heat. "They came [Saturday] and asked me how am I and I said, 'It's awful, it's very, very cold and I'm not well,'" he told WWLP Channel 22.
State officials have asked FEMA for cots for 70 shelters, where 1,800 people slept in shelters Saturday night, said Massachusetts Emergency Management Agency spokesman Peter Judge. It may take two days to restore power to all the affected homes.
He said 750 National Guard troops have been sent to help.
Although much of the ice melted Saturday, it froze again Saturday night.
Entire towns, such as Westford, in northeastern Massachusetts, have no power.
Red Cross volunteer John Noble said he wants crews to check on pipes in people's homes to prevent them from bursting. He said he's worried about his own house.
Milder weather was forecast for Sunday.
Nothing like a freak ice storm to liven things up for Christmas. Our power was on and off again for two days. We had some flooding so we couldn't sleep in the bedroom Friday night. I had a bad asthma attack at 4 am which put me out of commission for awhile. Then I spent Saturday trying to clean up and keeping the dehumidifiers going. Luckily though we aren't one of the many people who have no electricity still today.
We had a very nice surprise, my sister came to stay for an entire week to spend time with M. She has to work through the holidays but she wanted to make sure to spend time with M for Christmas. M is so happy about it. Now we will be able to get out and about for a few days.
I couldn't sleep last night so I watched a Japanese movie called "Mizuchi" The storyline was about a cursed spring that ruptured during an earthquake and the water mixed with the tap water in Tokyo causing people to have delusions. That was a bad choice of movie viewing. It was soooo boring. The only reason I continued to watch it is some the filming locations were around where I used to live so it was cool to see my area. Reminded me of our family in Japan. Sometimes I miss T's mom. She could be enormously annoying but overall I liked her very much. She used to take me to museums and parks. It was nice. I think M would have enjoyed having her around.
We had breakfast upstairs this morning since my sister is here. We are allowed to be upstairs when my sister is visiting. When I say "breakfast" it mostly means I get to have coffee and M gets to eat and my mom gets to make little comments "It's nice to see M having a balanced meal" "No, M never wears socks or warm clothing" "If you had a job you could buy your own coffee"
Always a pleasure in Cafe' Onibaba.
In the evening M went upstairs to find my sister but she wasn't around so M ended up bothering my mother instead. My mom got mad at her for being noisy and dragged her kicking and screaming back downstairs and ruined my night. T and I are fighting again. I have been so disappointed in him lately and everything that makes me angry is coming out in the open. We don't sleep together anymore, we hardly speak and he rarely answers me. We got into a fight over dinner. A completely useless argument over nonsense. I had tried to get him to talk to me about our future but he didn't want to talk. It's 8 pm and he went to lie down on the day bed. I can't understand what is going on with him. What's going on with us? We have been through so much together but can we survive my mother?
I am having a case of the Christmas Blues, don't mind me.
An ice storm felled many trees in Boston and elsewhere across Massachusetts.
President Bush has authorized federal aid by declaring a state of emergency in New Hampshire and Massachusetts.
Joseph Shoplack stayed at a Red Cross shelter Saturday night in Southwick. He lasted only one day in his home without power or heat. "They came [Saturday] and asked me how am I and I said, 'It's awful, it's very, very cold and I'm not well,'" he told WWLP Channel 22.
State officials have asked FEMA for cots for 70 shelters, where 1,800 people slept in shelters Saturday night, said Massachusetts Emergency Management Agency spokesman Peter Judge. It may take two days to restore power to all the affected homes.
He said 750 National Guard troops have been sent to help.
Although much of the ice melted Saturday, it froze again Saturday night.
Entire towns, such as Westford, in northeastern Massachusetts, have no power.
Red Cross volunteer John Noble said he wants crews to check on pipes in people's homes to prevent them from bursting. He said he's worried about his own house.
Milder weather was forecast for Sunday.
Nothing like a freak ice storm to liven things up for Christmas. Our power was on and off again for two days. We had some flooding so we couldn't sleep in the bedroom Friday night. I had a bad asthma attack at 4 am which put me out of commission for awhile. Then I spent Saturday trying to clean up and keeping the dehumidifiers going. Luckily though we aren't one of the many people who have no electricity still today.
We had a very nice surprise, my sister came to stay for an entire week to spend time with M. She has to work through the holidays but she wanted to make sure to spend time with M for Christmas. M is so happy about it. Now we will be able to get out and about for a few days.
I couldn't sleep last night so I watched a Japanese movie called "Mizuchi" The storyline was about a cursed spring that ruptured during an earthquake and the water mixed with the tap water in Tokyo causing people to have delusions. That was a bad choice of movie viewing. It was soooo boring. The only reason I continued to watch it is some the filming locations were around where I used to live so it was cool to see my area. Reminded me of our family in Japan. Sometimes I miss T's mom. She could be enormously annoying but overall I liked her very much. She used to take me to museums and parks. It was nice. I think M would have enjoyed having her around.
We had breakfast upstairs this morning since my sister is here. We are allowed to be upstairs when my sister is visiting. When I say "breakfast" it mostly means I get to have coffee and M gets to eat and my mom gets to make little comments "It's nice to see M having a balanced meal" "No, M never wears socks or warm clothing" "If you had a job you could buy your own coffee"
Always a pleasure in Cafe' Onibaba.
In the evening M went upstairs to find my sister but she wasn't around so M ended up bothering my mother instead. My mom got mad at her for being noisy and dragged her kicking and screaming back downstairs and ruined my night. T and I are fighting again. I have been so disappointed in him lately and everything that makes me angry is coming out in the open. We don't sleep together anymore, we hardly speak and he rarely answers me. We got into a fight over dinner. A completely useless argument over nonsense. I had tried to get him to talk to me about our future but he didn't want to talk. It's 8 pm and he went to lie down on the day bed. I can't understand what is going on with him. What's going on with us? We have been through so much together but can we survive my mother?
I am having a case of the Christmas Blues, don't mind me.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Abandoned Birthday
It's a big day today! Can you guess what day it is? It's my brother's 30th birthday!! We couldn't do more than get him a card but M gets so into the birthday excitement I couldn't wait. Mom made him a chocolate cake and told us we would be seeing my brother tonight for his birthday. The three of us got all dressed up and M even is wearing her beautiful Disney princess gown a friend got her last year for Christmas so she really does look like a princess.
We wait..and wait...and wait...and wait...and wait......................
It's dark out now so I realized suddenly that the house was very quiet. Went upstairs to find out that my parents had left and taken the cake with them. It's now 9 pm. They went out to eat and celebrate with the rest of my family without telling us. There are a couple reasons I could think that they would sneak out on us like that. This is his 30th birthday for cripes sake. This is the nail in the coffin, I officially don't have any family. I will keep my sister is all. I don't want to have "Christmas" with them because it is fake. They don't want us here, I don't want to be here. T's parents have disowned him because of the business failure. What it comes down too is basically my daughter has no family besides our really amazing friends. If our "families" cared anything about her, they would have tried their best to be with her. We have been here since the beginning of August. My brother lives 15 minutes away and he has only seen her 4 times since we got here. T asked me "What did you expect? Did you expect them to change?" Maybe a secret part of me will always expect them to change.
My mom gave me cheese this morning that had expired in JUNE 2008.
I am sick of the comments, sick of the looks, sick of all of this. I am sick of crying over people who aren't worth it. I want to leave. If anyone has a trailer in the south with a car on blocks in the driveway and a fridge on the porch, I will take it.
We wait..and wait...and wait...and wait...and wait......................
It's dark out now so I realized suddenly that the house was very quiet. Went upstairs to find out that my parents had left and taken the cake with them. It's now 9 pm. They went out to eat and celebrate with the rest of my family without telling us. There are a couple reasons I could think that they would sneak out on us like that. This is his 30th birthday for cripes sake. This is the nail in the coffin, I officially don't have any family. I will keep my sister is all. I don't want to have "Christmas" with them because it is fake. They don't want us here, I don't want to be here. T's parents have disowned him because of the business failure. What it comes down too is basically my daughter has no family besides our really amazing friends. If our "families" cared anything about her, they would have tried their best to be with her. We have been here since the beginning of August. My brother lives 15 minutes away and he has only seen her 4 times since we got here. T asked me "What did you expect? Did you expect them to change?" Maybe a secret part of me will always expect them to change.
My mom gave me cheese this morning that had expired in JUNE 2008.
I am sick of the comments, sick of the looks, sick of all of this. I am sick of crying over people who aren't worth it. I want to leave. If anyone has a trailer in the south with a car on blocks in the driveway and a fridge on the porch, I will take it.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Sick Day
All 3 of us have been hit with a stomach problem of some kind, T especially is getting it bad. He is miserable today. I was planning to get some cleaning in but am not feeling well enough.
In lieu of a proper blog entry today. Here is M's very favorite video "Boku wa kuma" (I am a Bear) by Hikaru Utada
In lieu of a proper blog entry today. Here is M's very favorite video "Boku wa kuma" (I am a Bear) by Hikaru Utada
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Angry Angry Angry
Since I am tired of ranting and raving at T all morning I will rant and rave at my blog. Let's see how you like it..Blog! Take that! Yes, I woke up to the "knock knock door" and mom asked M if she would like to go to the grocery store with her because someone "Stole all her butter" so she had to go get more. I volunteered myself to go along and she went "Why do you need anything from the store, I got you groceries already?" (onions)"you don't have money to spend anyway" after listening to her blibber blabber she finally agreed. Yelled at M because M didn't want to wear the rain boots she got her in two sizes too big which makes her trip and fall alot. Yelled at M for spilling water on the floor. Yelled at me for anything relating to not having a job.
Made it to the grocery store, already tired and worn out. Went to pick up a loaf of bread from the bakery "Put that back, I have some old bread in the fridge I will give you" started making a scene. everyone was looking at me. I carefully placed the bread back and the bakery help gave me a dirty look "sorry" I mumbled.
"Hurry up and get your groceries, I have to go to the hospital, don't have time for this" she fumed at me. Yelled at M for picking Madagascar yogurt. She loves Madagascar, especially Alex the Lion. My mother tried to switch the yogrut for regular yogurt without Alex on it. I told her "if she wants F'n Alex yogurt let her have it." M asked us to please stop fighting. That got me. That really got me. She took M away to walk to down the aisles because she "didn't want to talk to me anymore, I am too hard to deal with" Everything I had in my basket she had a comment as to why I don't need it and lectures about money. When people gushed over how beautiful and smart M is she preens and turns into the loving grandma "she is my first grandchild, we are so proud of her" liar.
She spilled garbage in her new car and it stunk so the ride to and from the store was nasty. There is a $5 charge for bags of garbage put out in this rich people town but my parents are too cheap to pay it so instead they take all their garbage to the town their other houses are in and put it out there since it's free.
Came home and simply lit into T. I get so angry it is turning on him now. This blistering rage I feel has to go somewhere and it's frequently turning on him because he needs to get me out of here. get me out get me out get me out. I didn't want to come here, he said it would be best for our family.
The way I feel right now is like when you see animals going crazy trying to get away from something and smashing into walls, spinning in circles, biting and clawing trying to get away. If you have ever seen a stray cat in a have a heart trap, thats my feeling.
When I was 17, I wanted to go to art school more than anything in the world. My parents told me I had to go to secretary school because I was too stupid to make it in a real college so that was the only school I would be able to get into. They would not support me in any way unless I went to secretary school. They even picked one out and made me apply. The only dream they have ever had for me is to be a secretary. When I got accepted to make up school on a scholarship my mom said to me "You should stop worrying about your make up and worry about the rest of you"
You can run, but you can't hide. You take it all with you.
Made it to the grocery store, already tired and worn out. Went to pick up a loaf of bread from the bakery "Put that back, I have some old bread in the fridge I will give you" started making a scene. everyone was looking at me. I carefully placed the bread back and the bakery help gave me a dirty look "sorry" I mumbled.
"Hurry up and get your groceries, I have to go to the hospital, don't have time for this" she fumed at me. Yelled at M for picking Madagascar yogurt. She loves Madagascar, especially Alex the Lion. My mother tried to switch the yogrut for regular yogurt without Alex on it. I told her "if she wants F'n Alex yogurt let her have it." M asked us to please stop fighting. That got me. That really got me. She took M away to walk to down the aisles because she "didn't want to talk to me anymore, I am too hard to deal with" Everything I had in my basket she had a comment as to why I don't need it and lectures about money. When people gushed over how beautiful and smart M is she preens and turns into the loving grandma "she is my first grandchild, we are so proud of her" liar.
She spilled garbage in her new car and it stunk so the ride to and from the store was nasty. There is a $5 charge for bags of garbage put out in this rich people town but my parents are too cheap to pay it so instead they take all their garbage to the town their other houses are in and put it out there since it's free.
Came home and simply lit into T. I get so angry it is turning on him now. This blistering rage I feel has to go somewhere and it's frequently turning on him because he needs to get me out of here. get me out get me out get me out. I didn't want to come here, he said it would be best for our family.
The way I feel right now is like when you see animals going crazy trying to get away from something and smashing into walls, spinning in circles, biting and clawing trying to get away. If you have ever seen a stray cat in a have a heart trap, thats my feeling.
When I was 17, I wanted to go to art school more than anything in the world. My parents told me I had to go to secretary school because I was too stupid to make it in a real college so that was the only school I would be able to get into. They would not support me in any way unless I went to secretary school. They even picked one out and made me apply. The only dream they have ever had for me is to be a secretary. When I got accepted to make up school on a scholarship my mom said to me "You should stop worrying about your make up and worry about the rest of you"
You can run, but you can't hide. You take it all with you.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Them Cheatin' Onions
Bored, bored, bored, bored. Like the Ramones said "Nothing to do, No where to go"
When it gets that boring you start looking people up on the internet for no reason..like say...Your dad! Then you find him on reunion.com, a pay site. Then you find he has 18 friends, most of whom are over 60. Then you find that one of his "friends" is 33 and trampy looking wearing a corset in her photo. Then you realize she lives in Florida. Then you realize your father is 72 and recently was gone for a week in Florida in a "meeting". Then you wonder what kind of "Reunion" they had? Then you remember all the porn you found on your parents computer that one day......hmmmmmmmmmmmm Maybe these are the puzzle pieces you need to figure out why, when your father was diagnosed with Legionnaires disease in Florida he didn't want my mother to go there.
Besides today being ungodly boring, we were all sick a little as if we had minor food poisoning. My mom was gone all day again. Spending her endless days at the hospital with my grandmother. I don't know what Mother Theresa medal she is looking for but I am sure it will be in the mail. Once again, she went to the grocery store without bothering to ask us if we wanted anything. She gave us some skim milk (big surprise), strange organic macaroni and cheese that even M hated, yogurt, spaghetti from their shelf upstairs, and onions. Again with the freakin' onions. I literally have 6 bags of onions in the kitchen. What do I do with them? Does she think we can just eat them as a snack all day? You can't really cook them unless you have other ingredients. Frankly, its a mystery. I used onions all the time in New Zealand because i cooked them with other things! like my spaghetti sauce or french onion soup or onion rings or focaccia bread with carmelized onions. All of which require other ingredients. as I am fond of saying lately "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
We seem to really not be allowed upstairs anymore. The people upstairs are extremely non friendly when we go up there. M went up with me so I could ask for some cream for a rash that appeared on her cheeks today. M followed me upstairs and immediately told my mom she was hungry and could she have some food? My mom told her she had plenty of food downstairs and my father shook his head and rolled his eyes. They think they are so much better than us. I can't stand it. They might have lots of money but they don't even like each other. My mom wrote on their anniversary card "Friends Forever" no love..only that. At least we have love and we support each other so stick that in your fancy Mercedes and choke.
So how are those anger management classes working out for you?
Hey where did that google ad come from?
Quote from T today "There is fire in the sky, must be fire from the sky" hunh?
When it gets that boring you start looking people up on the internet for no reason..like say...Your dad! Then you find him on reunion.com, a pay site. Then you find he has 18 friends, most of whom are over 60. Then you find that one of his "friends" is 33 and trampy looking wearing a corset in her photo. Then you realize she lives in Florida. Then you realize your father is 72 and recently was gone for a week in Florida in a "meeting". Then you wonder what kind of "Reunion" they had? Then you remember all the porn you found on your parents computer that one day......hmmmmmmmmmmmm Maybe these are the puzzle pieces you need to figure out why, when your father was diagnosed with Legionnaires disease in Florida he didn't want my mother to go there.
Besides today being ungodly boring, we were all sick a little as if we had minor food poisoning. My mom was gone all day again. Spending her endless days at the hospital with my grandmother. I don't know what Mother Theresa medal she is looking for but I am sure it will be in the mail. Once again, she went to the grocery store without bothering to ask us if we wanted anything. She gave us some skim milk (big surprise), strange organic macaroni and cheese that even M hated, yogurt, spaghetti from their shelf upstairs, and onions. Again with the freakin' onions. I literally have 6 bags of onions in the kitchen. What do I do with them? Does she think we can just eat them as a snack all day? You can't really cook them unless you have other ingredients. Frankly, its a mystery. I used onions all the time in New Zealand because i cooked them with other things! like my spaghetti sauce or french onion soup or onion rings or focaccia bread with carmelized onions. All of which require other ingredients. as I am fond of saying lately "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
We seem to really not be allowed upstairs anymore. The people upstairs are extremely non friendly when we go up there. M went up with me so I could ask for some cream for a rash that appeared on her cheeks today. M followed me upstairs and immediately told my mom she was hungry and could she have some food? My mom told her she had plenty of food downstairs and my father shook his head and rolled his eyes. They think they are so much better than us. I can't stand it. They might have lots of money but they don't even like each other. My mom wrote on their anniversary card "Friends Forever" no love..only that. At least we have love and we support each other so stick that in your fancy Mercedes and choke.
So how are those anger management classes working out for you?
Hey where did that google ad come from?
Quote from T today "There is fire in the sky, must be fire from the sky" hunh?
Monday, December 8, 2008
McDonalds Stole The Bike
Trying to solve my headache of the century I drank tea (bleh) and watched "Pee Wee's Big Adventure" with M. She made me laugh soooo hard. In the scene from the movie where Pee Wee loses his bike after chained it to a big mechanical clown, M kept saying "Mcdonald's stole his bike"
Today in the morning I was in a very good mood and in a wierd personality reverse my mother was rather...nice? or at least semi normal. As in, we didn't fight. Though she did let me know all M's presents are used. My father is ill so he is home today. Everything was going ok then I got two bombshells, one amazingly good, one amazingly bad. Neither one I am not sure I should discuss now. Now I feel all freaked out and strange.
Later I figured out why I am so obsessed with moving to Hawaii because M loved New Zealand, more than I did even. She talks about it every day like we are here on vacation and soon we will "go home". Some days she cries and begs to go home. In New Zealand she was happy every day with a shining light in her eyes. The only other place I have seen that happy light in her eyes was in Hawaii. I have to make amends to her somehow, I took her light away, I need to give it back. I can't bring her back to New Zealand but some way if I work hard as I can, I can get her back to Hawaii. Back to her light. ...
though of course, she doesn't remember Japan..
I am working on my one way ticket to the looney bin so everyone go on without me.
Today in the morning I was in a very good mood and in a wierd personality reverse my mother was rather...nice? or at least semi normal. As in, we didn't fight. Though she did let me know all M's presents are used. My father is ill so he is home today. Everything was going ok then I got two bombshells, one amazingly good, one amazingly bad. Neither one I am not sure I should discuss now. Now I feel all freaked out and strange.
Later I figured out why I am so obsessed with moving to Hawaii because M loved New Zealand, more than I did even. She talks about it every day like we are here on vacation and soon we will "go home". Some days she cries and begs to go home. In New Zealand she was happy every day with a shining light in her eyes. The only other place I have seen that happy light in her eyes was in Hawaii. I have to make amends to her somehow, I took her light away, I need to give it back. I can't bring her back to New Zealand but some way if I work hard as I can, I can get her back to Hawaii. Back to her light. ...
though of course, she doesn't remember Japan..
I am working on my one way ticket to the looney bin so everyone go on without me.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Headache!!!!!!!!
ow ow ow ow I wanted to write today but my headache I am assuming is from a lack of caffeine is killing me so I will have do this a different day or later. ow ow ow
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Throw Momma From The Train
Or me first because I am going mad. M was using her potty this morning when Dad yells down the stairs "Pick up the D#"N PHONE" I had a brief hope it was the job calling me but no luck it was Onibaba. "I bought M a present, I need you to come out and see it but don't let her see it" I am trying to clean up M at the same time "Hurry up and get ready, I am taking M to see great grandma" I told her how I was trying to clean the baby and I couldnt really talk on the phone "What????? she heard what I said? the surprise is ruined, why didn't you say something, why did you let me keep talking?" on and on raving like a lunatic "She can't hear you, she isn't listening to the phone"
good morning
After telling me how stupid it was for M to want the Fisher price pony for Christmas, guess who came home with a giant, used, plastic from the late 1980s spring horse. She went to a Church fair and bought it for M for $15. There are a few reasons this annoys me. First, I have already given her a rocking horse for Christmas when she was two. Second, she mocked M's desire for the riding horse and called it "stupid" third we don't have room for this huge toy and fourth it's USED and had dog hair and scratches all over it. For Christmas she is going to rub in how poor we are by giving us another used old toy? Because I suck so bad as a mom I can't get my kid a toy? What stands out to me the most is when I was little I had a spring horse that must have been on loan or they sold it or something because it is in only one of my memories and it's not in any of the family photos. I was riding this spring horse on the porch of our apartment and I was alone and making it go as hard as I could and I ended up flipping over the front of it and the horse's head came up and split my chin enough to go to the hospital and get stitches. To this day I have a scar on my chin.
Mom put this spring horse in the shed and told me not to let M in there. As if I would, I told her, it's full of gasoline, poisons, lawn care equipment, etc..I tell her that place is off limits. "oh" my mom giggled "I let her go in there all the time" with that, we went to go to the nursing home. She babbled something about being worried that great grandma would catch something from M so she made her use lots of antibacterial gel on her hands. We visited and it was sad to see great grandma alone in the nursing home unable to even lift her head. This upset M quite a bit. Mom and I got in an argument about Pearl Harbor. Then M said she was hungry so mom immediately told her we could go get lunch. I am thinking "hooray lunch I am starved" and unbelievably she pulled into Mcdonalds! She is so anti any fast food or sugar I was very surprised. She told us to wait in the car however. we waited and then she came out and yelled for us to get out of the car and come in. We went in and found out she had bought lunch..for M only. She handed me a small size diet coke. That's it. I hate diet coke. I was so hungry.
Then instead of taking us back she went to a christmas store and let M run around and touch everything. She blocked the doorway and I kept telling her she was blocking the doorway (5 people were waiting to go through it behind her back) she told me to be quiet she wasn't blocking the doorway. Then one of the people said excuse me and she said oh NOW I am blocking the door. I watched her behavior after that, she really is a rude person. She rarely says thank you or excuse me. she acts like she is the only one around or on the sidewalk or in the aisle. Its very careless behavior. Recently she went to the store and told me she made the stock clerk go and get her ice cream and then complained when she brought the wrong ice cream. well get it yourself then loser.
On the ride back I got a huge lecture and lots of threats about T. She was yelling about his immigration once again how he doesn't care about me and M. on and on and on. I love big diatribes against my family. I got home in such a pissed off mood I got in a fight with T. Later, as soon as I tried to get M into a nap off went the "knock knock door" and mom came down with a plastic shopping bag so I thought she had gone to the store and thought to get us some groceries. I am always wrong. She gave us 2 cartons of very old juice, half used cream cheese past the expiration date and some freezer burned bagels and the worst item, a brie cheese my sister had bought before thanksgiving. I almost threw up, I should have photographed it at least.
I wouldn't mind living here if there was some halfway kind people upstairs but instead I have a maelstrom of anger inside me half the time that blinds my vision and makes my head hurt.
Did you ever notice that the new version of "My Little Pony" looks vaguely reptilian?
Look at the faces of the new ponies and the odd nose holes and jaw.
Compared to the 1980's version that had soft features and was very pretty.
good morning
After telling me how stupid it was for M to want the Fisher price pony for Christmas, guess who came home with a giant, used, plastic from the late 1980s spring horse. She went to a Church fair and bought it for M for $15. There are a few reasons this annoys me. First, I have already given her a rocking horse for Christmas when she was two. Second, she mocked M's desire for the riding horse and called it "stupid" third we don't have room for this huge toy and fourth it's USED and had dog hair and scratches all over it. For Christmas she is going to rub in how poor we are by giving us another used old toy? Because I suck so bad as a mom I can't get my kid a toy? What stands out to me the most is when I was little I had a spring horse that must have been on loan or they sold it or something because it is in only one of my memories and it's not in any of the family photos. I was riding this spring horse on the porch of our apartment and I was alone and making it go as hard as I could and I ended up flipping over the front of it and the horse's head came up and split my chin enough to go to the hospital and get stitches. To this day I have a scar on my chin.
Mom put this spring horse in the shed and told me not to let M in there. As if I would, I told her, it's full of gasoline, poisons, lawn care equipment, etc..I tell her that place is off limits. "oh" my mom giggled "I let her go in there all the time" with that, we went to go to the nursing home. She babbled something about being worried that great grandma would catch something from M so she made her use lots of antibacterial gel on her hands. We visited and it was sad to see great grandma alone in the nursing home unable to even lift her head. This upset M quite a bit. Mom and I got in an argument about Pearl Harbor. Then M said she was hungry so mom immediately told her we could go get lunch. I am thinking "hooray lunch I am starved" and unbelievably she pulled into Mcdonalds! She is so anti any fast food or sugar I was very surprised. She told us to wait in the car however. we waited and then she came out and yelled for us to get out of the car and come in. We went in and found out she had bought lunch..for M only. She handed me a small size diet coke. That's it. I hate diet coke. I was so hungry.
Then instead of taking us back she went to a christmas store and let M run around and touch everything. She blocked the doorway and I kept telling her she was blocking the doorway (5 people were waiting to go through it behind her back) she told me to be quiet she wasn't blocking the doorway. Then one of the people said excuse me and she said oh NOW I am blocking the door. I watched her behavior after that, she really is a rude person. She rarely says thank you or excuse me. she acts like she is the only one around or on the sidewalk or in the aisle. Its very careless behavior. Recently she went to the store and told me she made the stock clerk go and get her ice cream and then complained when she brought the wrong ice cream. well get it yourself then loser.
On the ride back I got a huge lecture and lots of threats about T. She was yelling about his immigration once again how he doesn't care about me and M. on and on and on. I love big diatribes against my family. I got home in such a pissed off mood I got in a fight with T. Later, as soon as I tried to get M into a nap off went the "knock knock door" and mom came down with a plastic shopping bag so I thought she had gone to the store and thought to get us some groceries. I am always wrong. She gave us 2 cartons of very old juice, half used cream cheese past the expiration date and some freezer burned bagels and the worst item, a brie cheese my sister had bought before thanksgiving. I almost threw up, I should have photographed it at least.
I wouldn't mind living here if there was some halfway kind people upstairs but instead I have a maelstrom of anger inside me half the time that blinds my vision and makes my head hurt.
Did you ever notice that the new version of "My Little Pony" looks vaguely reptilian?
Look at the faces of the new ponies and the odd nose holes and jaw.
Compared to the 1980's version that had soft features and was very pretty.
Friday, December 5, 2008
I am a Bear, Time for Hibernation
I tried to get in the photography mood and satisfy my outdoor requirements today at the same time. M zoomed around on a plastic horse ride on toy circa 1970 courtesy of my mother. Mom came down early in the morning and barked some orders at me consisting of moving boxes and installing glass in some window but since I don't remember exactly what she said I didn't do it. I have been raiding food from upstairs at night when I can and I am deathly afraid of what they are going to do when they find out. My parents left today on some mysterious errand. Probably has to do with my brother's birthday next week. I am sure he will get some insanely awesome gift. My father won an Ipod recently in a contest, the really nice cool one and gave it to my brother. I will admit, my relationship with my brother is a bit strained lately which makes me sad as I have always cared about him so much.
For lack of anything better to do, T and I argued about our fake plan to move to Hawaii. Fake, as in we certainly can't do such a thing but we talk about it like we are. He is so negative lately. When he lost the business it's like he lost the ability to think of any kind of future with a positive energy. The past few days we have been insanely bored. It's very cold out so we don't want to spend too much time outside but at the same time there is absolutely nothing to do in our two rooms except sit and stare at each other or pace. M has been having problems sleeping recently and we are sleeping too much overall.
Don't have much to say today because I didn't DO anything. I hate having NOTHING to do. I know you are saying "Well you could clean" and you would be right, but I would rather take a nap because I am a bear and I am going to Hibernate.
There are many people out there in much worse situations than us, I need to remember that and be grateful for what I do have.
I sighed heavily today trying to figure out what to do and M asked me "Mommy, did you lose your rainbow?" No, baby, with you around I will never lose my rainbow.
Edit* I went upstairs later to try and snag a granola bar for M but my parents were back home. I was caught as M followed me and parked herself in the kitchen prattling away. My father was being his usual self and puttering around dropping pretzels on the floor and swearing loudly "G'D#$n it" and other colorful expletives in front of M. My mom asked if she rode the old toy horse around today and started saying how stupid the "Little Tikes® Giddy Up N' Go Pony" is that M has been begging for. She went on and on about what kind of parent would waste money on such an item and it doesn't do anything for children's imagination blah blah blah. So why would an old beat up horse from 1970 foster the imagination as much as a toy that actually LOOKS like a real horse? M never begs for toys, she is really great like that but once in awhile something appeals to her and she has as much right as any other kid to want a toy once in awhile. Of course, she can't have one but does that mean she can't SAY she wants one. Sheesh. My mom has to make a comment about everything. It is so hateful. Also she complained that I took all her spoons. Apparently she counts all her silver because she knows the exact numbers of all her silverware. I had two of her spoons! oh the horror! I told her I borrowed them when my friends came and forgot to bring them back so she had to comment "In all that junk you shipped from New Zealand you didn't bring any spoons? Something useful?" I asked her "What did I bring from New Zealand that is not useful?" and she replied "Well I don't know exactly" exasperated, I said "So why did you say that?" She didn't answer me. I also found Milk in the fridge that my sister had bought us but my mom decided not to tell me about or give me even though we haven't had any for days.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Which one would stimulate your imagination more?
Or..it was confirmed it was from 1970 and ours isn't in as good condition either. The one mom gave her kind of looks like it was dragged behind a bus.
For lack of anything better to do, T and I argued about our fake plan to move to Hawaii. Fake, as in we certainly can't do such a thing but we talk about it like we are. He is so negative lately. When he lost the business it's like he lost the ability to think of any kind of future with a positive energy. The past few days we have been insanely bored. It's very cold out so we don't want to spend too much time outside but at the same time there is absolutely nothing to do in our two rooms except sit and stare at each other or pace. M has been having problems sleeping recently and we are sleeping too much overall.
Don't have much to say today because I didn't DO anything. I hate having NOTHING to do. I know you are saying "Well you could clean" and you would be right, but I would rather take a nap because I am a bear and I am going to Hibernate.
There are many people out there in much worse situations than us, I need to remember that and be grateful for what I do have.
I sighed heavily today trying to figure out what to do and M asked me "Mommy, did you lose your rainbow?" No, baby, with you around I will never lose my rainbow.
Edit* I went upstairs later to try and snag a granola bar for M but my parents were back home. I was caught as M followed me and parked herself in the kitchen prattling away. My father was being his usual self and puttering around dropping pretzels on the floor and swearing loudly "G'D#$n it" and other colorful expletives in front of M. My mom asked if she rode the old toy horse around today and started saying how stupid the "Little Tikes® Giddy Up N' Go Pony" is that M has been begging for. She went on and on about what kind of parent would waste money on such an item and it doesn't do anything for children's imagination blah blah blah. So why would an old beat up horse from 1970 foster the imagination as much as a toy that actually LOOKS like a real horse? M never begs for toys, she is really great like that but once in awhile something appeals to her and she has as much right as any other kid to want a toy once in awhile. Of course, she can't have one but does that mean she can't SAY she wants one. Sheesh. My mom has to make a comment about everything. It is so hateful. Also she complained that I took all her spoons. Apparently she counts all her silver because she knows the exact numbers of all her silverware. I had two of her spoons! oh the horror! I told her I borrowed them when my friends came and forgot to bring them back so she had to comment "In all that junk you shipped from New Zealand you didn't bring any spoons? Something useful?" I asked her "What did I bring from New Zealand that is not useful?" and she replied "Well I don't know exactly" exasperated, I said "So why did you say that?" She didn't answer me. I also found Milk in the fridge that my sister had bought us but my mom decided not to tell me about or give me even though we haven't had any for days.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Which one would stimulate your imagination more?
Or..it was confirmed it was from 1970 and ours isn't in as good condition either. The one mom gave her kind of looks like it was dragged behind a bus.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Rug
According to "Dora The Explorer" there is a chocolate tree and that is right, there is a chocolate tree. The cacao tree, but you can't just pick chocolate off it. I am only mentioning this because M thinks you can get chocolate off of trees now anytime you want and now she wants a "chocolate tree" Earlier she made a major announcement that her super heroine name is now "super butt" What a kid.
I ran out of clean clothes so was forced to go upstairs and use the laundry facilities. The washing machine was overbalanced and of course it was my fault. I pointed out that my sister did that when she was here for thanksgiving because she brings all her and M2s laundry to do and they bring alot of comforters and such. I didn't want to throw my sister under the bus, but I am not going to be blamed for the washing machine. Didn't need to worry, It was my fault anyway. I try not to do laundry as long as I can so I am sure it's my fault.
She took M out in the back yard played with her for a short time then came back and asked me if I had ribbon. Why would I have ribbon? We don't even have anything to gift wrap, why would I have ribbon? I told her I didn't and then I heard her tell M to ask me if I had ribbon. A different person asking me would apparently trick me into revealing the location of my hidden ribbon stash. She went back outside with M then called me and left M by herself. I didn't have shoes on, a jacket, or any sort of winter gear but that's ok to leave her alone or make me run out with no shoes. Whatever suits you.
She has decided we needed a rug downstairs which most likely means she wants to get rid of it. The rug she picked is this hideous brown, green and bleh striped monstrosity that has been outside on the deck for years now. I am sure that's in great condition and will do wonders for my asthma and the baby's allergies. She took it off to be cleaned today. I don't think all the cleaning in the world is gonna help that puppy. She seems to forget she gave us the broken vacuum cleaner, how will I vacuum now with a big old rug here. She never listens. I told her when she first mentioned it to please not put a rug down here. We have enough problems with flooding as that idea isn't viable. The big stone head has spoken. The natives must be punished.
In toy news the Mugen pop pop has arrived on US shores from Japan in time for the Christmas holidays. These toys have been popular in Japan for a long time and it's a pretty simple brilliant idea. I love the edamame version of it. It's like playing with bubble wrap, you know you can do that for hours! Mugen means endless so it's endless popping fun. Here is a photo and the link. Would make a good stocking stuffer. disclaimer* I don't work for Bandai, I just watch their commercials on tv.
I ran out of clean clothes so was forced to go upstairs and use the laundry facilities. The washing machine was overbalanced and of course it was my fault. I pointed out that my sister did that when she was here for thanksgiving because she brings all her and M2s laundry to do and they bring alot of comforters and such. I didn't want to throw my sister under the bus, but I am not going to be blamed for the washing machine. Didn't need to worry, It was my fault anyway. I try not to do laundry as long as I can so I am sure it's my fault.
She took M out in the back yard played with her for a short time then came back and asked me if I had ribbon. Why would I have ribbon? We don't even have anything to gift wrap, why would I have ribbon? I told her I didn't and then I heard her tell M to ask me if I had ribbon. A different person asking me would apparently trick me into revealing the location of my hidden ribbon stash. She went back outside with M then called me and left M by herself. I didn't have shoes on, a jacket, or any sort of winter gear but that's ok to leave her alone or make me run out with no shoes. Whatever suits you.
She has decided we needed a rug downstairs which most likely means she wants to get rid of it. The rug she picked is this hideous brown, green and bleh striped monstrosity that has been outside on the deck for years now. I am sure that's in great condition and will do wonders for my asthma and the baby's allergies. She took it off to be cleaned today. I don't think all the cleaning in the world is gonna help that puppy. She seems to forget she gave us the broken vacuum cleaner, how will I vacuum now with a big old rug here. She never listens. I told her when she first mentioned it to please not put a rug down here. We have enough problems with flooding as that idea isn't viable. The big stone head has spoken. The natives must be punished.
In toy news the Mugen pop pop has arrived on US shores from Japan in time for the Christmas holidays. These toys have been popular in Japan for a long time and it's a pretty simple brilliant idea. I love the edamame version of it. It's like playing with bubble wrap, you know you can do that for hours! Mugen means endless so it's endless popping fun. Here is a photo and the link. Would make a good stocking stuffer. disclaimer* I don't work for Bandai, I just watch their commercials on tv.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Things I am Happy for List
Feeling mighty down today so thought I would make myself a list of things that I am happy about and I need to remember when I am feeling down.
I have the best little girl ever
Even though I want to punch him out sometimes, I truly love my husband even after all these years and all our troubles and I wouldn't trade him for anyone else. Not even Johnny Depp or Tadanobu Asano (maybe)
I have the greatest friends a person could imagine
We are not quite homeless
I still have my camera
I have been able to travel the world
I have been happier than most people have a chance to be
I can still watch "Shortland Street" on bit torrent
I can still lose weight
I can still laugh
I can still love
I am still alive
I could still win the lottery one day
I still have a bag of rice left
I still love pizza
I can still watch ghost movies on my computer
See, it's all good.
I have the best little girl ever
Even though I want to punch him out sometimes, I truly love my husband even after all these years and all our troubles and I wouldn't trade him for anyone else. Not even Johnny Depp or Tadanobu Asano (maybe)
I have the greatest friends a person could imagine
We are not quite homeless
I still have my camera
I have been able to travel the world
I have been happier than most people have a chance to be
I can still watch "Shortland Street" on bit torrent
I can still lose weight
I can still laugh
I can still love
I am still alive
I could still win the lottery one day
I still have a bag of rice left
I still love pizza
I can still watch ghost movies on my computer
See, it's all good.
Dinosaur Wins!
What a surprise, woke up out of a deep sleep to find my mother hovering over me. ahhh! that was a shock. come out of a nightmare and into a another. "We are going to the library in half hour, get ready" she ordered "why are you still sleeping, what's wrong with you?"
I used to fight with her or argue but now I am sort of dead inside. I rarely talk to her unless I have too. I don't do much of anything. I have no energy anymore, I give up. I got M dressed and bundled up into the car. Went to the library and M played with a little girl we met there. I found the book "Dinosaur Wins" that I have wanted to read for awhile and my mom refused to check it out but I kept putting it in the pile of her books (I am not allowed to check out a book) eventually she gave up. After the library she decided to take M to the park. She let M go down a slide covered with ice and M went flying off the end of the slide and bam onto her face and hands. Like I have said many times, whenever she is with my mom, she gets hurt. As usual, when M makes a friend of a child in the park my mom doesn't leave her alone to play but follows right on her telling her what to do and what to play. T calls her "fish sh?t" because she trails along behind M like a piece of...When M was finally having a good time and enjoying herself with her new friend, mom said it was time to leave and told me to go tell her. I told her to go tell her herself because it wasn't my idea to come to the park and I am not the one who is making her leave. I am tired of my mom trying to make me out to be a bad guy. I retreated back into my cone of silence after that. However, when she dropped us off back at the house she said she was leaving for the hospital and pulled out of the driveway. I went into the basement of doom and started yelling at T about how aggravated I am by her and all of a sudden I heard her voice at the top of the stairs reminding me that her housecleaners were coming and I had to be on the look out for them to let them in. She must have been at the top of the stairs listening to everything I said. I will pay for that in the future.
Me and M read the Dinosaur book and we love it! It makes her laugh to yell "Dinosaur Versus Spaghetti..Dinosaur Wins!" What a great book.
On an odd note, Officially I now have more New Zealand money than US money. I am ready to leave for Hawaii now, Is there a spot for me? It would be cool to live somewhere people don't ask me all the time why my daughter doesn't look like me. In Hawaii people thought we were locals. Some lady at the library asked me why my daughter didn't look like me at all, that happens all the time here. Americans are champions at rude questions.
Dinosaur Loses!
ahh Kill me now....This house is 300 cheaper! than my parents house that they are trying to rent. Probably because there is more of a volcanic threat than here.
Graceful & Elegant In Design
3 bedroom 3 bathrooms, 2 car garage, 2615 sq ft. Granite counters, stainless steel appliances, gas stove, hardwood floors, large master bedroom. Living room with fireplace, dining room, new bathroom upstairs with double sinks. Large back yard. 1.612.338.5573. Take Over Payments.
* Location: Close to Koula Street in Waipahu
this is left as a reminder to myself that if we ever can move, I should look on craigslist. I forget about that alot.
T is making fun of me because I am pretending I am moving to Hawaii without him. :P. He is no fun sometimes. M is trying to put socks on herself backwards. She has "Thomas the tank engine" on continual loop, it's starting to drive me nuts.
I used to fight with her or argue but now I am sort of dead inside. I rarely talk to her unless I have too. I don't do much of anything. I have no energy anymore, I give up. I got M dressed and bundled up into the car. Went to the library and M played with a little girl we met there. I found the book "Dinosaur Wins" that I have wanted to read for awhile and my mom refused to check it out but I kept putting it in the pile of her books (I am not allowed to check out a book) eventually she gave up. After the library she decided to take M to the park. She let M go down a slide covered with ice and M went flying off the end of the slide and bam onto her face and hands. Like I have said many times, whenever she is with my mom, she gets hurt. As usual, when M makes a friend of a child in the park my mom doesn't leave her alone to play but follows right on her telling her what to do and what to play. T calls her "fish sh?t" because she trails along behind M like a piece of...When M was finally having a good time and enjoying herself with her new friend, mom said it was time to leave and told me to go tell her. I told her to go tell her herself because it wasn't my idea to come to the park and I am not the one who is making her leave. I am tired of my mom trying to make me out to be a bad guy. I retreated back into my cone of silence after that. However, when she dropped us off back at the house she said she was leaving for the hospital and pulled out of the driveway. I went into the basement of doom and started yelling at T about how aggravated I am by her and all of a sudden I heard her voice at the top of the stairs reminding me that her housecleaners were coming and I had to be on the look out for them to let them in. She must have been at the top of the stairs listening to everything I said. I will pay for that in the future.
Me and M read the Dinosaur book and we love it! It makes her laugh to yell "Dinosaur Versus Spaghetti..Dinosaur Wins!" What a great book.
On an odd note, Officially I now have more New Zealand money than US money. I am ready to leave for Hawaii now, Is there a spot for me? It would be cool to live somewhere people don't ask me all the time why my daughter doesn't look like me. In Hawaii people thought we were locals. Some lady at the library asked me why my daughter didn't look like me at all, that happens all the time here. Americans are champions at rude questions.
Dinosaur Loses!
ahh Kill me now....This house is 300 cheaper! than my parents house that they are trying to rent. Probably because there is more of a volcanic threat than here.
Graceful & Elegant In Design
3 bedroom 3 bathrooms, 2 car garage, 2615 sq ft. Granite counters, stainless steel appliances, gas stove, hardwood floors, large master bedroom. Living room with fireplace, dining room, new bathroom upstairs with double sinks. Large back yard. 1.612.338.5573. Take Over Payments.
* Location: Close to Koula Street in Waipahu
this is left as a reminder to myself that if we ever can move, I should look on craigslist. I forget about that alot.
T is making fun of me because I am pretending I am moving to Hawaii without him. :P. He is no fun sometimes. M is trying to put socks on herself backwards. She has "Thomas the tank engine" on continual loop, it's starting to drive me nuts.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Ghosts of Christmas past
I wasn't going to write again today but I thought I would share a few of the reasons I am not excited about Christmas and why I rarely decorate or put up a tree. Why Halloween is more my favorite holiday than Christmas. Here is my most remembered Christmas.
My first memory of Christmas, the one that haunts me most happened when I was around 6 or 7 years old or so, I don't remember much of my early childhood because i have blocked most of it out, but I do remember this. We had a german shepard named "Duchess" and my sister and I loved her like crazy. She was our first dog and a beloved friend. We were so excited for christmas that year, we had a tree with lots of lights on it. A real tree this year. As we got older my mom used a plastic tree more and more often. As kids will do, we stayed awake in our beds really late excited about Christmas morning.
In the morning we ran down stairs and looked for our dog to share in our happiness. Duchess was no where to be found. Yes, We woke up to find my parents had given away our dog on Christmas. I have asked them since why they would have chosen to give away a child's dog on Christmas and they always said that the people they were giving her too were moving and that was the best time. Best time? when is there a best time to give away someone's dog? Let's see, definitely not on Christmas!
I have tried to recapture the Christmas spirit for M, her first two Christmas's were pretty good I think. No tree, but I did get her a lovely stocking and I try to get her one really big gift. Last year we went to a great Christmas party with her friends. I want her to remember Christmas as a time of happiness and love.
My first memory of Christmas, the one that haunts me most happened when I was around 6 or 7 years old or so, I don't remember much of my early childhood because i have blocked most of it out, but I do remember this. We had a german shepard named "Duchess" and my sister and I loved her like crazy. She was our first dog and a beloved friend. We were so excited for christmas that year, we had a tree with lots of lights on it. A real tree this year. As we got older my mom used a plastic tree more and more often. As kids will do, we stayed awake in our beds really late excited about Christmas morning.
In the morning we ran down stairs and looked for our dog to share in our happiness. Duchess was no where to be found. Yes, We woke up to find my parents had given away our dog on Christmas. I have asked them since why they would have chosen to give away a child's dog on Christmas and they always said that the people they were giving her too were moving and that was the best time. Best time? when is there a best time to give away someone's dog? Let's see, definitely not on Christmas!
I have tried to recapture the Christmas spirit for M, her first two Christmas's were pretty good I think. No tree, but I did get her a lovely stocking and I try to get her one really big gift. Last year we went to a great Christmas party with her friends. I want her to remember Christmas as a time of happiness and love.
I Dream Of General Mills
Ayuda me, por favor! I am sick of mac n cheese and the legendary food of poor people everywhere, Ramen. My mom gave us bananas today and I had to say sarcastically "ya, that's exactly what we need" Now I have bananas and spoiled milk. Our milk expired on Nov 23rd. I try to ration it so much it actually went bad. That plan didn't work. We have a couple bags of onions, what can you make out of onions? I better do some research over at allrecipes.com.
I went up early to try and score a stamp from mom but she wasn't here. For once she didn't wake us up with the knock knock door and it was the one day I needed her. M and I went outside for awhile until I got bored. I knew Mom would interrogate me as to whether we were outside or not and of course she did when she got home. My part time job possibility did not call me today either so I guess that's it. M spent a large chunk of the day continually asking me when we were going home. Christmas will really stink for her. I might be able to get her a gift with the points from using my visa card. I am definitely toooooo Emo today to get anything constructive written so I might as well sign off.
edit* later during the evening, M helped me make a music playlist for the blog and we had a "Dance Off" it was SUPER fun. She won. Kid's got some major moves.
I went up early to try and score a stamp from mom but she wasn't here. For once she didn't wake us up with the knock knock door and it was the one day I needed her. M and I went outside for awhile until I got bored. I knew Mom would interrogate me as to whether we were outside or not and of course she did when she got home. My part time job possibility did not call me today either so I guess that's it. M spent a large chunk of the day continually asking me when we were going home. Christmas will really stink for her. I might be able to get her a gift with the points from using my visa card. I am definitely toooooo Emo today to get anything constructive written so I might as well sign off.
edit* later during the evening, M helped me make a music playlist for the blog and we had a "Dance Off" it was SUPER fun. She won. Kid's got some major moves.
Monday, December 1, 2008
2 AM and having homesick pangs
I am looking at photos of our home in New Zealand and wondering why we had to lose everything. I was happier there than I have ever been in my entire life, for one brief golden moment life was how it should be. Because some group of morons had to make the decision to rob someone they destroyed a family's entire life. I miss my beautiful home, my friends, my mountains, my car, my aggravation over the food choices, my ability to get needed asthma medicine easily, my neighboring horses, my fresh fruit stand up the street, my cold mornings with a gas fire, my rainbows, my long walks with M.....I don't usually wish ill on people but I hope someday those guys learn what it is to suffer, the same way they made my family suffer. I still have this frightened feeling that the other shoe is still waiting to drop and we still haven't had everything bad happen.
awww gee, maybe I will go back to watching "Ghost Adventures" on youtube. At least that makes me laugh and might pull me out of this morbid funk I am in all of a sudden. My homesickness started tonight because some New Zealand person made me his contact on flickr. M asks me where our home is and I have to say..we don't have a home. ok..stop stop stop...bye blog, going to watch GA.
awww gee, maybe I will go back to watching "Ghost Adventures" on youtube. At least that makes me laugh and might pull me out of this morbid funk I am in all of a sudden. My homesickness started tonight because some New Zealand person made me his contact on flickr. M asks me where our home is and I have to say..we don't have a home. ok..stop stop stop...bye blog, going to watch GA.
M's video of the week
M really enjoys the videos and music of Rhian Sheehan. There are two in particular she is crazy for "Hiding Place" and "Afternoon on the Moon". In "Hiding place" she likes the little girl, the colors, and the scenes of New Zealand. She frequently asks to watch either this one or her other favorite. I happy that we share a love of music and she likes my favorite artists as well. Rhian Sheehan is one of my very favorites.
Rhian Sheehan "Hiding Place"
A talented, self-taught acoustic guitar player, Rhian Sheehan was introduced to the limitless possibilities of computerbased music making whilst studying composition at Canterbury University. At his Christchurch home, Rhian began recording towards his debut album – Paradigm Shift. Initial tracks focussed on acoustic guitar playing, both solo on 'My Absolution' and alongside Jolyon Mulholland on 'Humoured', with whom Rhian had performed regularly as the Alchemy Duo, touring internationally and playing with the likes of Paul Ubana Jones and Tommy Emmanuel.
Soon, however, the added expressiveness and emotional impact of the acoustic instrument when coupled with electronically generated beats and soundscapes became the basis for a new sound, first evidenced on 'She Walks Into Mine' and the album’s title track. Relocating to Wellington in 2000 opened new opportunities for Rhian – a receptive public were introduced to his music through the inclusion of two songs ('She Walks Into Mine' and 'Garden Children') on LOOP Magazine’s cover CD. The relationship with LOOP was solidified with the offer of an album deal from LOOP Recordings Aot(ear)oa and Paradigm Shift became the first release for the newly formed independent record label in June 2001.
Rhian Sheehan’s debut album 'Paradigm Shift' is regarded as a landmark in NZ electronica and was named New Zealand album of the year by music critic Colin Morris. It has since attracted huge interest from overseas labels. Tracks from Paradigm Shift have been included on seven international compilations including 'Café del Mar Vol. 10'. 'Te Karanga' from 'Tiny Blue Biosphere' has already been snapped up for 'Café del Mar Vol.11'. Rhian Sheehan also features on the 'Barramundi Vol.4' compilation alongside international artists including Jose Padilla, Tosca and Horace Andy. 'Tiny Blue Biosphere' elevates Rhian further into the international domain. Rhian Sheehan has also recently secured international licenses to MTV Europe and the UK’s BBC Channel 4.
Rhian Sheehan "Hiding Place"
A talented, self-taught acoustic guitar player, Rhian Sheehan was introduced to the limitless possibilities of computerbased music making whilst studying composition at Canterbury University. At his Christchurch home, Rhian began recording towards his debut album – Paradigm Shift. Initial tracks focussed on acoustic guitar playing, both solo on 'My Absolution' and alongside Jolyon Mulholland on 'Humoured', with whom Rhian had performed regularly as the Alchemy Duo, touring internationally and playing with the likes of Paul Ubana Jones and Tommy Emmanuel.
Soon, however, the added expressiveness and emotional impact of the acoustic instrument when coupled with electronically generated beats and soundscapes became the basis for a new sound, first evidenced on 'She Walks Into Mine' and the album’s title track. Relocating to Wellington in 2000 opened new opportunities for Rhian – a receptive public were introduced to his music through the inclusion of two songs ('She Walks Into Mine' and 'Garden Children') on LOOP Magazine’s cover CD. The relationship with LOOP was solidified with the offer of an album deal from LOOP Recordings Aot(ear)oa and Paradigm Shift became the first release for the newly formed independent record label in June 2001.
Rhian Sheehan’s debut album 'Paradigm Shift' is regarded as a landmark in NZ electronica and was named New Zealand album of the year by music critic Colin Morris. It has since attracted huge interest from overseas labels. Tracks from Paradigm Shift have been included on seven international compilations including 'Café del Mar Vol. 10'. 'Te Karanga' from 'Tiny Blue Biosphere' has already been snapped up for 'Café del Mar Vol.11'. Rhian Sheehan also features on the 'Barramundi Vol.4' compilation alongside international artists including Jose Padilla, Tosca and Horace Andy. 'Tiny Blue Biosphere' elevates Rhian further into the international domain. Rhian Sheehan has also recently secured international licenses to MTV Europe and the UK’s BBC Channel 4.
A Good Day
How often do I get to write that lately? Saturday really got away from me, I keep sleeping and waking up to find I missed a big chunk of my day. Maybe we really do have the carbon monoxide down here.
My sister and M2 left early on Sunday but not before they left me a box of Mayan drinking chocolate. Yum Yum Yummy! It's a good thing because we ran out of coffee so now at least I can still drink something. After they left I had a minor scuffle with mom over small things including whether I made sure my friends would be coming to the back door and not the front.
The girls showed up and instead of two of them there was three! hooray! Three friends, K, M3, and S13 will be their Military like code names. They came bearing a super big real birthday cake with balloons on it for M. The perfect cake! They also brought gifts, snacks and drinks. It was like the party mobile stopped by. We had a blast making fun of my mom. You can't imagine how nice it was to be able to vent with people who agree with me and know we have to get out too. They said they have been trying to reach me by phone for some time now. My parents live so stupidly far from everyone, I probably won't get to see the girls again for awhile. Takes K 1 hour to get here, M3 2 hours and S13 3 hours. argh the knock knock door brb. I am being forced to go outside for my daily constitutional.
Allright, I am back, it's quite a few hours later and I did have another coma moment for a couple hours, what the heck is going on with me? Sleep is a symptom of depression, is that what this is? or is it more sinister? Why are all 3 of us sleeping so much? With the basement all closed in for the winter and the heat on, should I worry? (more than I already do)
My mom came back from the hospital and handed me a plastic toy whistle and said that this was a replacement for the flute she got for her birthday. What I didn't mention in my Friday blog was that my sister got M a beautiful wooden flute and M went nuts! She loves music so much. Music and Dance are such an integral part of who she is. I think that is why she feel in love with Hawaii so badly. There is so much of dance and music available everywhere you go. M played the flute for a long time and of course, she doesn't know how and it was more pure noise than anything else but I didn't care. She was happy and enjoying herself. Someday she will learn to play it right but that isn't important right now. It's her feeling and expression. The grinch who stole birthdays and happiness took it away from her and locked it up. She said it's too noisy and she can't have it again until the spring and then she will be able to play it only outdoors. M cried and said her "music was gone" My mom is out to take away childhood happiness from yet another kid. She is like an evil witch in a book.
M3 had suggested trying phone sex for a job. I actually mulled it over as a possible option except for the fact that we would have to get a cell phone and there is no reception in the basement and it would be a conversation like "oh baby oh baby oh...shoot..lost the signal again" and T would have a fit if I did lol. The part time job people were supposed to call me today but they didn't. Looks like I blew it. This place is so annoyingly remote, it might as well be the Sahara. Though I could probably tend goats in the Sahara or search for buried treasure. You would think there should be something online I could do. I tried doing the surveys for money option and it took me about a month to earn 10 dollars. I will keep thinking, oh hey maybe a sleep research team can come find me and figure out why I am sleeping so much. I could be a guinea pig. I am so damn wimpy, why can't I walk farther?
Can someone tell my mom to be quiet up there? It's like a herd of elephants stomping around and M is trying to take a nap.
My sister and M2 left early on Sunday but not before they left me a box of Mayan drinking chocolate. Yum Yum Yummy! It's a good thing because we ran out of coffee so now at least I can still drink something. After they left I had a minor scuffle with mom over small things including whether I made sure my friends would be coming to the back door and not the front.
The girls showed up and instead of two of them there was three! hooray! Three friends, K, M3, and S13 will be their Military like code names. They came bearing a super big real birthday cake with balloons on it for M. The perfect cake! They also brought gifts, snacks and drinks. It was like the party mobile stopped by. We had a blast making fun of my mom. You can't imagine how nice it was to be able to vent with people who agree with me and know we have to get out too. They said they have been trying to reach me by phone for some time now. My parents live so stupidly far from everyone, I probably won't get to see the girls again for awhile. Takes K 1 hour to get here, M3 2 hours and S13 3 hours. argh the knock knock door brb. I am being forced to go outside for my daily constitutional.
Allright, I am back, it's quite a few hours later and I did have another coma moment for a couple hours, what the heck is going on with me? Sleep is a symptom of depression, is that what this is? or is it more sinister? Why are all 3 of us sleeping so much? With the basement all closed in for the winter and the heat on, should I worry? (more than I already do)
My mom came back from the hospital and handed me a plastic toy whistle and said that this was a replacement for the flute she got for her birthday. What I didn't mention in my Friday blog was that my sister got M a beautiful wooden flute and M went nuts! She loves music so much. Music and Dance are such an integral part of who she is. I think that is why she feel in love with Hawaii so badly. There is so much of dance and music available everywhere you go. M played the flute for a long time and of course, she doesn't know how and it was more pure noise than anything else but I didn't care. She was happy and enjoying herself. Someday she will learn to play it right but that isn't important right now. It's her feeling and expression. The grinch who stole birthdays and happiness took it away from her and locked it up. She said it's too noisy and she can't have it again until the spring and then she will be able to play it only outdoors. M cried and said her "music was gone" My mom is out to take away childhood happiness from yet another kid. She is like an evil witch in a book.
M3 had suggested trying phone sex for a job. I actually mulled it over as a possible option except for the fact that we would have to get a cell phone and there is no reception in the basement and it would be a conversation like "oh baby oh baby oh...shoot..lost the signal again" and T would have a fit if I did lol. The part time job people were supposed to call me today but they didn't. Looks like I blew it. This place is so annoyingly remote, it might as well be the Sahara. Though I could probably tend goats in the Sahara or search for buried treasure. You would think there should be something online I could do. I tried doing the surveys for money option and it took me about a month to earn 10 dollars. I will keep thinking, oh hey maybe a sleep research team can come find me and figure out why I am sleeping so much. I could be a guinea pig. I am so damn wimpy, why can't I walk farther?
Can someone tell my mom to be quiet up there? It's like a herd of elephants stomping around and M is trying to take a nap.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Highs and Lows and comatose in between
Extraordinarily tired today. I got myself so worked up last night over the horrible birthday night it carried over into today and I still can't even talk about it. This morning my mom woke me up at 7 am and made me call the part time job I was supposed to be doing because she thought they wanted me to train today. This whole part time job is another can of worms I don't feel I can get into today. I told T last night bleakly that we are "never ever going to get out of here" That woman makes me fall back two steps for every one I take. She has all the cards in her hands, I can't fight her because she knows our weaknesses. She only has to make a few phone calls and I can lose my family. She knows that.
The morning wake up call was awful. The part time job person thought I was crazy to call. I told my mom that and she informed me that I am "crazy" Oh wait she is knocking on the door again so can't even finish my sentence. be back later!
Back, she was bringing down our weekly supply of skim milk and yogurt. Not like we would never need food or anything. I will survive on the dew of a single gingko leaf and the energy of the universe. On this plus side, I may lose weight.
Our dear friend, S called this morning and gave us sad news and super happy news. It was wonderful to have something nice happen for a change. After that is when I fell into a deep sleep for several hours. Luckily T, who has been feeling poorly the past few days, actually got up for a little while so was able to watch M for me.
I am still mortally tired. Maybe it was too much of an emotional roller coaster for me for today and yesterday. Th.......................zzzzzzzzzzzzz
The morning wake up call was awful. The part time job person thought I was crazy to call. I told my mom that and she informed me that I am "crazy" Oh wait she is knocking on the door again so can't even finish my sentence. be back later!
Back, she was bringing down our weekly supply of skim milk and yogurt. Not like we would never need food or anything. I will survive on the dew of a single gingko leaf and the energy of the universe. On this plus side, I may lose weight.
Our dear friend, S called this morning and gave us sad news and super happy news. It was wonderful to have something nice happen for a change. After that is when I fell into a deep sleep for several hours. Luckily T, who has been feeling poorly the past few days, actually got up for a little while so was able to watch M for me.
I am still mortally tired. Maybe it was too much of an emotional roller coaster for me for today and yesterday. Th.......................zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Friday, November 28, 2008
Imagine this scene....
A 3 year old in a beautiful party dress sitting alone at a big empty table eating a small piece of birthday cake. A single tear drips onto the frosting.
This was my Friday Night.
This was my Friday Night.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Thanksgiving? Thanks for what?
The long story is we woke up early and went to see my sister who came to visit and M couldn't wait to see her. Went upstairs and had breakfast my sister made. I was beginning to think this wouldn't turn out so bad. My mom suddenly took M outside without asking me and with no winter coat on only a sleeveless dress and house slippers. It was 49 degrees outside today.
After breakfast, mom rushed my sister and M2 off to the hospital to see grandma ignoring M's cries to go with them. She was very upset and inconsolable for awhile as my sister is one of her favorite people here. My parents kept commenting on how much M eats and how noisy she is all during breakfast.
It sickens and saddens me how much my child wants attention from the people around her and they simply keep talking and don't acknowledge her like she isn't there. She kept saying "Come on everybody say "yo"!" and "Everybody clap your hands" but no one but me did. The look in her eyes breaks my heart. She wants so much to interact with people and have fun, she is such a people person, but they want her to be quiet and speak on request. My mom uses her like a show and tell object. In her play groups in New Zealand she was always popular and had so many friends. oh turn on the water works again. Can the damn drama llama stop coming to my house?
Later I put M down for a nap and started goofing around on the internet because I didn't have anywhere to go and we have to be quiet. I was surfing and ended up reading something about Japanese atrocities in WW2 and that it was never taught as history in school. I asked T about it and for some reason he flipped out at me. He went on this huge diatribe about how history is wrong and it ended up being about my mom. I kept asking him to stop, but he didn't. I don't know how long it would have lasted but our good friend S called and cheered us up quite a bit.
After that, my sister offered to take me and M for a little drive around town since M was down she didn't get to go anywhere. We stopped by the drug store and my sister bought me some needed personal hygiene supplies (ie conditioner etc...) Came back home and had Thanksgiving dinner. My mom announced that it was nice to have my sister and M2 there which made Thanksgiving very special. She said it wasn't the same as having us there as we were forced to be there so we didn't count.
Dinner was ok, some good stuff some bad. They are trying to get M to call my brother's gf "Aunt" again which really really angers me. M ate a ton once again causing my father to complain about how much she eats. I know I need to get our diet sorted out somehow but we have no choice presently as I can't even get her to the store to get her some food. All we eat is boxed, processed foods and delivery. Of course we are unhealthy, unhappy and generally ill kempt from lack of supplies. I am a make up freak and I had to give that up. Now I just look like a freak.
Later M was trying to get my parents to watch a video tape with her (you guessed it, they use VHS tapes still) and M got her finger hurt in the VCR. The minute I leave her alone with my mom she always gets hurt. I was alone in the kitchen for a second gathering up some of M's toys she brought upstairs with her when my mom came in and said "Your daughter is VERY badly behaved" and walked out. So I forced M to go downstairs. 20 minutes later my mom asked her to come back up to watch "Ratatouille" a movie that M doesn't really like. Of course she didn't sit still and she was noisy because she was bored. She is a 3 year old. They told her she should go to bed. Commenting on how much she eats again was my cue to exit once more.
Tomorrow should be really great when my brother and his gf come for dinner. Shoot me now!
After breakfast, mom rushed my sister and M2 off to the hospital to see grandma ignoring M's cries to go with them. She was very upset and inconsolable for awhile as my sister is one of her favorite people here. My parents kept commenting on how much M eats and how noisy she is all during breakfast.
It sickens and saddens me how much my child wants attention from the people around her and they simply keep talking and don't acknowledge her like she isn't there. She kept saying "Come on everybody say "yo"!" and "Everybody clap your hands" but no one but me did. The look in her eyes breaks my heart. She wants so much to interact with people and have fun, she is such a people person, but they want her to be quiet and speak on request. My mom uses her like a show and tell object. In her play groups in New Zealand she was always popular and had so many friends. oh turn on the water works again. Can the damn drama llama stop coming to my house?
Later I put M down for a nap and started goofing around on the internet because I didn't have anywhere to go and we have to be quiet. I was surfing and ended up reading something about Japanese atrocities in WW2 and that it was never taught as history in school. I asked T about it and for some reason he flipped out at me. He went on this huge diatribe about how history is wrong and it ended up being about my mom. I kept asking him to stop, but he didn't. I don't know how long it would have lasted but our good friend S called and cheered us up quite a bit.
After that, my sister offered to take me and M for a little drive around town since M was down she didn't get to go anywhere. We stopped by the drug store and my sister bought me some needed personal hygiene supplies (ie conditioner etc...) Came back home and had Thanksgiving dinner. My mom announced that it was nice to have my sister and M2 there which made Thanksgiving very special. She said it wasn't the same as having us there as we were forced to be there so we didn't count.
Dinner was ok, some good stuff some bad. They are trying to get M to call my brother's gf "Aunt" again which really really angers me. M ate a ton once again causing my father to complain about how much she eats. I know I need to get our diet sorted out somehow but we have no choice presently as I can't even get her to the store to get her some food. All we eat is boxed, processed foods and delivery. Of course we are unhealthy, unhappy and generally ill kempt from lack of supplies. I am a make up freak and I had to give that up. Now I just look like a freak.
Later M was trying to get my parents to watch a video tape with her (you guessed it, they use VHS tapes still) and M got her finger hurt in the VCR. The minute I leave her alone with my mom she always gets hurt. I was alone in the kitchen for a second gathering up some of M's toys she brought upstairs with her when my mom came in and said "Your daughter is VERY badly behaved" and walked out. So I forced M to go downstairs. 20 minutes later my mom asked her to come back up to watch "Ratatouille" a movie that M doesn't really like. Of course she didn't sit still and she was noisy because she was bored. She is a 3 year old. They told her she should go to bed. Commenting on how much she eats again was my cue to exit once more.
Tomorrow should be really great when my brother and his gf come for dinner. Shoot me now!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? NOT ME
I live in a basement under some crazy people. It's only noon time but I have already had a full day of madness. I have one "Mother" of a headache. Mom woke us up early to complain about various issues. She doesn't like that our clothes are folded on top of the dresser so she brought a storage bin to put them in. Our clothes are folded on top of the dresser because all the furniture that is down here is already filled with their stuff. She won't take me some where to get hangers so we don't have any hangers. She says people give away free hangers all the time so you don't need to buy them. I am unsure of where the free hanger people live but I am sure she wouldn't drive me there anyway.
We have also been requested to hang up all their Christmas lights while she is visiting Grandma in the hospital today. Then she said she was going to the farm stand down to the street to pick up some pies she ordered and we could come if we wanted to, so I assumed that meant I could pick up a little food there. Its expensive and full of gourmet items I can't afford, a loaf of bread in their bakery is $3.50. I got M dressed up in her winter finery and took her upstairs to put her in the car. My mom asked me to hold on a minute she had to find something or other so M went and climbed into her car seat. My mom came storming out of the house and started yelling "Don't cram her into the car right away, let her play outside for awhile, she needs fresh air" blah blah blah. If fresh air makes you grow up like my mom, I am out of there. I blew my cool and yelled "What the F?" and I did say "F" as in the letter "F" not the bad word cause my kid was around "She wanted to get in the car, we thought you would be right back" This trip is off to a good start.
On the drive over she revealed to me that a job had called for me but she never bothered to tell me. I don't even know what to say about this. I am not even going to talk about it because it makes me too angry. We got to the farm stand and immediately mom told M she could go see the farm animals. We ran around and looked at bunnies, goats, sheep and a donkey that M proudly identified as a "Moose"
Went back in the store section and started to pick up a few items. I picked up a pumpkin muffin as that is the treat M and I share every time we go to the farm stand and my mom came over and said "You don't need that, put it down. I got M a donut" I looked at her trying to fry her with my laser eye beams "this is for us to share" she started to walk away "put it back and get in the car" she replied over her shoulder. I grabbed a loaf of bread, the offensive muffin and went to check out. She gave me the look of doom. She remarked she didn't have enough pies and I said "are you expecting alot of people?" "around 9" she responded. After berating me for not knowing who the 9 people would be (I apparently should know who she invites to Thanksgiving) Told me her plan to have a Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday with my sister and her significant other and "I am going to cook the Turkey in the oven downstairs!" This being the oven in our kitchen. yay. Then on Friday they will have a second Thanksgiving for my brother and his girlfriend, that will include M's birthday party. She mentioned they were in the process of buying my brother a brand new snow blower for his house. That's nice. She told me anyone who comes to visit us - made sure to make a point of this one - and the pizza delivery man should go to the back of the house, not to the front. They need to go back where there is no outside light and it's hard to get the door open. Great, new rule day. I think I might go lie down, I am feeling kind of tired. Talk to you later.
I woke up after a freakish long nap. Mom and T got in fight while I was asleep and it's only gone downhill from there. She came downstairs and started yelling about us putting all this extra crummy furniture and dirty toys she gave M in the utility room and T is freaking out at me. Yelling at M, Yelling at me. He put everything back in the utility room that she took out so now she will yell at me when she finds out. She brought down food for M but not for us. He keeps telling me all the things I am supposed to be saying to her but he doesn't say anything.
*Update* Battleground Mom took a casualty tonight. When we came here there was a old long low coffee table here and M bounced off of it a few times so we asked if we could move it out somewhere. We were told that this is not our house so we can't move anything but finally we stored it in the utility room. Mom found out we put it back there tonight and she forced us to put it back. Not even an hour having it back, M was jumping, fell and slammed her face into the coffee table. She has a cut on her brow and a black eye forming. My sister and M2 were here and they saw the whole incident and agreed that table was dangerous. T moved the table back into the utility room and he is going to have to fight her when she finds out. Us 0 Mom 1
We have also been requested to hang up all their Christmas lights while she is visiting Grandma in the hospital today. Then she said she was going to the farm stand down to the street to pick up some pies she ordered and we could come if we wanted to, so I assumed that meant I could pick up a little food there. Its expensive and full of gourmet items I can't afford, a loaf of bread in their bakery is $3.50. I got M dressed up in her winter finery and took her upstairs to put her in the car. My mom asked me to hold on a minute she had to find something or other so M went and climbed into her car seat. My mom came storming out of the house and started yelling "Don't cram her into the car right away, let her play outside for awhile, she needs fresh air" blah blah blah. If fresh air makes you grow up like my mom, I am out of there. I blew my cool and yelled "What the F?" and I did say "F" as in the letter "F" not the bad word cause my kid was around "She wanted to get in the car, we thought you would be right back" This trip is off to a good start.
On the drive over she revealed to me that a job had called for me but she never bothered to tell me. I don't even know what to say about this. I am not even going to talk about it because it makes me too angry. We got to the farm stand and immediately mom told M she could go see the farm animals. We ran around and looked at bunnies, goats, sheep and a donkey that M proudly identified as a "Moose"
Went back in the store section and started to pick up a few items. I picked up a pumpkin muffin as that is the treat M and I share every time we go to the farm stand and my mom came over and said "You don't need that, put it down. I got M a donut" I looked at her trying to fry her with my laser eye beams "this is for us to share" she started to walk away "put it back and get in the car" she replied over her shoulder. I grabbed a loaf of bread, the offensive muffin and went to check out. She gave me the look of doom. She remarked she didn't have enough pies and I said "are you expecting alot of people?" "around 9" she responded. After berating me for not knowing who the 9 people would be (I apparently should know who she invites to Thanksgiving) Told me her plan to have a Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday with my sister and her significant other and "I am going to cook the Turkey in the oven downstairs!" This being the oven in our kitchen. yay. Then on Friday they will have a second Thanksgiving for my brother and his girlfriend, that will include M's birthday party. She mentioned they were in the process of buying my brother a brand new snow blower for his house. That's nice. She told me anyone who comes to visit us - made sure to make a point of this one - and the pizza delivery man should go to the back of the house, not to the front. They need to go back where there is no outside light and it's hard to get the door open. Great, new rule day. I think I might go lie down, I am feeling kind of tired. Talk to you later.
I woke up after a freakish long nap. Mom and T got in fight while I was asleep and it's only gone downhill from there. She came downstairs and started yelling about us putting all this extra crummy furniture and dirty toys she gave M in the utility room and T is freaking out at me. Yelling at M, Yelling at me. He put everything back in the utility room that she took out so now she will yell at me when she finds out. She brought down food for M but not for us. He keeps telling me all the things I am supposed to be saying to her but he doesn't say anything.
*Update* Battleground Mom took a casualty tonight. When we came here there was a old long low coffee table here and M bounced off of it a few times so we asked if we could move it out somewhere. We were told that this is not our house so we can't move anything but finally we stored it in the utility room. Mom found out we put it back there tonight and she forced us to put it back. Not even an hour having it back, M was jumping, fell and slammed her face into the coffee table. She has a cut on her brow and a black eye forming. My sister and M2 were here and they saw the whole incident and agreed that table was dangerous. T moved the table back into the utility room and he is going to have to fight her when she finds out. Us 0 Mom 1
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Milk....the Final Battleground
Fat free milk vs whole milk, the daily struggle took on a new level today. We really only use milk for our coffee which is our one real vice and M mostly drinks soy milk but for us we like to have it for our morning wake up routine. We both completely hate skim milk in coffee because it's like milk colored water. I don't mind using soy milk or non dairy creamer but he has to have milk. My mom insists that since I am "so fat" I need to use skim milk only and constantly gets us skim milk no matter how many times we ask for whole milk.
We had asked her to take us by the post office if she could find time in her schedule so we could mail a letter off to Japan to get some paperwork we need if we can ever afford to do the immigration application so she grudgingly agreed to take us in the morning. There is a little sort of pizza place/convenience store in the post office so I thought I could pick up some milk while we are there. It's a cold and rainy day, not a good day to be outside. Mom told me I didn't need milk because she had some upstairs and we could just have that. I said no, I didn't want her old skim milk. She brought down the remains of a gallon of skim milk. Around 2 inches left in the bottom. I told her it was ok, I would buy some at the store at the post office.
She drove us over there and parked very far away so we had to walk through the rain along the busy road. We weren't prepared for that so we had no umbrellas or rain gear, we thought it was a quick trip to the post office. Yes, there was parking right in front of the building. I waded through the ankle deep puddle she parked the car in and we slogged our way to the post office. Mom immediately disappeared into the store section with M. I paid for the letter to go to Japan then I went over to the store section to get milk. As I picked up a gallon of milk and headed for the register all of a sudden mom started yelling at me in front of all the people in the store "I already gave you milk, you don't need that! put it back!" and I responded "No, I want to buy some milk that we want to get, and have more than the little bit you gave me" and M said "Mommy I am so hungry". M hadn't eaten yet because we don't have much for breakfast food so I hadn't given her anything yet. I asked her what she wanted to eat and Mom said "She has plenty to eat at home" grabbed M's kiddy umbrella out of T's hands and stormed off with M into the parking lot. T and I were appalled and embarassed. I had asked the clerk not to finish ringing up my sale because I had wanted to add something in for M to eat. The clerk didn't meet my eyes and simply said "$4.59 please". It was awful. We drove back to the house in silence and mom parked on the street and made us walk through the rain up their long driveway to the house.
We have lost so much money because of her, having to spend money on motels when we could have simply stayed in the spare room upstairs, not being able to go to a grocery store we can afford, having to pay her for groceries we don't want or need, having to order delivery food because she won't take us to the store etc..T always wants me to argue with her about everything but he doesn't realize I can't. If they throw us out we have no where to go. I have to bite my lip and bear it as much as I can for now. It's a catch 22 life.
I was fantasizing last night about living in Hawaii. T found out that the Hair dresser's license test is administered in Japanese as well. There is a perfect mix of culture for M to grow up in. There are lots of Japanese there and many signs in Japanese. There are Japanese stores and half Japanese children. Everyone is so nice to M and she is so happy there. I am not one for tropical heat but if my family is happy, then I am happy. Plus M is obsessed with Hula. When we were last in Hawaii, M met a famous Ukelele player who played especially for M and said she really has something special in her hula. It was amazing. Next to living in NZ again that would be a perfect place for us. If someday we can pull ourselves up out of this morass of unhappiness we call a life perhaps we can go there and live. Or I can sink into fantasy life and live in a mental hospital but really think I live on an island. Didn't that happen in "LOST"? with the fat guy there, Hurley? I have no idea what is going on in that show.
Until then, it's Battle Royale of the dairy variety.
We had asked her to take us by the post office if she could find time in her schedule so we could mail a letter off to Japan to get some paperwork we need if we can ever afford to do the immigration application so she grudgingly agreed to take us in the morning. There is a little sort of pizza place/convenience store in the post office so I thought I could pick up some milk while we are there. It's a cold and rainy day, not a good day to be outside. Mom told me I didn't need milk because she had some upstairs and we could just have that. I said no, I didn't want her old skim milk. She brought down the remains of a gallon of skim milk. Around 2 inches left in the bottom. I told her it was ok, I would buy some at the store at the post office.
She drove us over there and parked very far away so we had to walk through the rain along the busy road. We weren't prepared for that so we had no umbrellas or rain gear, we thought it was a quick trip to the post office. Yes, there was parking right in front of the building. I waded through the ankle deep puddle she parked the car in and we slogged our way to the post office. Mom immediately disappeared into the store section with M. I paid for the letter to go to Japan then I went over to the store section to get milk. As I picked up a gallon of milk and headed for the register all of a sudden mom started yelling at me in front of all the people in the store "I already gave you milk, you don't need that! put it back!" and I responded "No, I want to buy some milk that we want to get, and have more than the little bit you gave me" and M said "Mommy I am so hungry". M hadn't eaten yet because we don't have much for breakfast food so I hadn't given her anything yet. I asked her what she wanted to eat and Mom said "She has plenty to eat at home" grabbed M's kiddy umbrella out of T's hands and stormed off with M into the parking lot. T and I were appalled and embarassed. I had asked the clerk not to finish ringing up my sale because I had wanted to add something in for M to eat. The clerk didn't meet my eyes and simply said "$4.59 please". It was awful. We drove back to the house in silence and mom parked on the street and made us walk through the rain up their long driveway to the house.
We have lost so much money because of her, having to spend money on motels when we could have simply stayed in the spare room upstairs, not being able to go to a grocery store we can afford, having to pay her for groceries we don't want or need, having to order delivery food because she won't take us to the store etc..T always wants me to argue with her about everything but he doesn't realize I can't. If they throw us out we have no where to go. I have to bite my lip and bear it as much as I can for now. It's a catch 22 life.
I was fantasizing last night about living in Hawaii. T found out that the Hair dresser's license test is administered in Japanese as well. There is a perfect mix of culture for M to grow up in. There are lots of Japanese there and many signs in Japanese. There are Japanese stores and half Japanese children. Everyone is so nice to M and she is so happy there. I am not one for tropical heat but if my family is happy, then I am happy. Plus M is obsessed with Hula. When we were last in Hawaii, M met a famous Ukelele player who played especially for M and said she really has something special in her hula. It was amazing. Next to living in NZ again that would be a perfect place for us. If someday we can pull ourselves up out of this morass of unhappiness we call a life perhaps we can go there and live. Or I can sink into fantasy life and live in a mental hospital but really think I live on an island. Didn't that happen in "LOST"? with the fat guy there, Hurley? I have no idea what is going on in that show.
Until then, it's Battle Royale of the dairy variety.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Sing Along For Sarah
I understand so well your feelings. Homesickness comes and goes with me, the smallest thing can set it off. Remember, dear heart, that home is wherever your beautiful girl is. When you are feeling down, simply
dare to be stupid!
Dare To Be Stupid Lyrics
Artist:Weird Al Yankovic
Put down that chainsaw and listen to me
It's time for us to join in the fight
It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys
It's time to let the bedbugs bite
You better put all your eggs in one basket
You better count your chickens before they hatch
You better sell some wine before it's time
You better find yourself an itch to scratch
You better squeeze all the Charmin you can while Mr. Wipple's not around
Stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan
Talk with your mouth full
Bite the hand that feeds you
Bite off more than you can chew
What can you do
Dare to be stupid
Take some wooden nickles
Look for Mr. Goodbar
Get your mojo working now
I'll show you how
You can dare to be stupid
You can turn the other cheek
You can just give up the ship
You can eat a bunch of sushi then forget to leave a tip
Dare to be stupid
Come on and dare to be stupid
It's so easy to do
Dare to be stupid
We're all waiting for you
Let's go
It's time to make a mountain out of a molehill
So can I have a volunteer
There's no more time for crying over spilled milk
Now it's time for crying in your beer
Settle down, raise a family, join the PTA
Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet
And party 'till you're broke and they drive you away
It's OK, you can dare to be stupid
It's like spitting on a fish
It's like barking up a tree
It's like I said you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free
Dare to be stupid (yes)
Why don't you dare to be stupid
It's so easy to do
Dare to be stupid
We're all waiting for you
Dare to be stupid
Burn your candle at both ends
Look a gift horse in the mouth
Mashed potatos can be your friends
You can be a coffee achiever
You can sit around the house and watch Leave It To Beaver
The future's up to you
So what you gonna do
dare to be stupid!
Dare To Be Stupid Lyrics
Artist:Weird Al Yankovic
Put down that chainsaw and listen to me
It's time for us to join in the fight
It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys
It's time to let the bedbugs bite
You better put all your eggs in one basket
You better count your chickens before they hatch
You better sell some wine before it's time
You better find yourself an itch to scratch
You better squeeze all the Charmin you can while Mr. Wipple's not around
Stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan
Talk with your mouth full
Bite the hand that feeds you
Bite off more than you can chew
What can you do
Dare to be stupid
Take some wooden nickles
Look for Mr. Goodbar
Get your mojo working now
I'll show you how
You can dare to be stupid
You can turn the other cheek
You can just give up the ship
You can eat a bunch of sushi then forget to leave a tip
Dare to be stupid
Come on and dare to be stupid
It's so easy to do
Dare to be stupid
We're all waiting for you
Let's go
It's time to make a mountain out of a molehill
So can I have a volunteer
There's no more time for crying over spilled milk
Now it's time for crying in your beer
Settle down, raise a family, join the PTA
Buy some sensible shoes and a Chevrolet
And party 'till you're broke and they drive you away
It's OK, you can dare to be stupid
It's like spitting on a fish
It's like barking up a tree
It's like I said you gotta buy one if you wanna get one free
Dare to be stupid (yes)
Why don't you dare to be stupid
It's so easy to do
Dare to be stupid
We're all waiting for you
Dare to be stupid
Burn your candle at both ends
Look a gift horse in the mouth
Mashed potatos can be your friends
You can be a coffee achiever
You can sit around the house and watch Leave It To Beaver
The future's up to you
So what you gonna do
Sleep is a 5 Letter Word
We almost had a good morning to sleep but M woke up early. She must be getting used to waking up early now which I am guessing is part of Mom's ultimate plan. Since we were pre awaken when mom did the "knock knock door" ha we were already up. She looked disappointed to find us awake and then said today I could do laundry if I wanted to. She said they were leaving to go to the hospital as usual.
We spent a quiet day, we were feeling tired and worn out after yesterday's birthday debacle. I know my birthday obsession stems from my youth when I always wanted to have a big party with all my friends but I never was able to have one. It was either a family party or I would be allowed to have one or two friends come only. My birthday one year I was told I could invite one friend. The following year, my sister got to have a Kermit the Frog theme birthday with party hats, plates, a big cake and lots and lots of friends. I don't want M to ever feel neglected and sad like that and last year she had a birthday that is still talked about in New Zealand. This year, she had the kind of birthday my mom is best at. She told M that her "real" birthday party would be on Thursday when my sister and brother would be here for Thanksgiving. She has also replaced M's picture on the refrigerator with a huge photo of my brother and his girlfriend.
Mom came back and started banging on the door during M's nap. Woke her up. She said she needed to talk to me so I had to go upstairs and listen to the list of things I had done wrong during the day. I didn't fold all my laundry and I dried a zip up sweater with the zipper unzipped. This would lead to the dryer being scratched up and ruined. She wanted to know why M was still sleeping, why did I ask stupid questions about grandma in the hospital? and the trash goes out tonight. Did we go outside today? What have we been doing? Makes my head hurt. I made the instant mac n cheese for dinner tonight with a side order of Cheez-its.
We spent a quiet day, we were feeling tired and worn out after yesterday's birthday debacle. I know my birthday obsession stems from my youth when I always wanted to have a big party with all my friends but I never was able to have one. It was either a family party or I would be allowed to have one or two friends come only. My birthday one year I was told I could invite one friend. The following year, my sister got to have a Kermit the Frog theme birthday with party hats, plates, a big cake and lots and lots of friends. I don't want M to ever feel neglected and sad like that and last year she had a birthday that is still talked about in New Zealand. This year, she had the kind of birthday my mom is best at. She told M that her "real" birthday party would be on Thursday when my sister and brother would be here for Thanksgiving. She has also replaced M's picture on the refrigerator with a huge photo of my brother and his girlfriend.
Mom came back and started banging on the door during M's nap. Woke her up. She said she needed to talk to me so I had to go upstairs and listen to the list of things I had done wrong during the day. I didn't fold all my laundry and I dried a zip up sweater with the zipper unzipped. This would lead to the dryer being scratched up and ruined. She wanted to know why M was still sleeping, why did I ask stupid questions about grandma in the hospital? and the trash goes out tonight. Did we go outside today? What have we been doing? Makes my head hurt. I made the instant mac n cheese for dinner tonight with a side order of Cheez-its.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Birthday
It's early check in on M's birthday day. We were awoken out of a deep sleep by mom barging downstairs carrying M's presents. She handed us a cake and said she was leaving to go spend the day at the hospital with grandma. so she isn't going to spend time with her grand daughter on her birthday. Ok fine. While she was down here I was trying to put all the presents out of reach and of course, M was freaking out about wanting to open the gifts NOW. M started crying suddenly saying that "grandma hurt me" I don't know what happened but M was upset and mom left. She left a cake that is one of those fancy adult cakes. Better than nothing but not what I had in mind.
Yesterday I asked her to take me to the store so I could get M a cake. I saved a little bit of money to get her a fun character cake and I couldn't wait to go pick one out. I had skimped out on actual presents to get a cake. I got her three presents and the cake was going to be the fourth one. I asked mom to take me to the store so I could get M something special for dinner for her birthday and a cake. She said no, and then said she would get whatever I needed. I told her a cake and something nice for dinner.
She came back that evening with a box of instant macaroni and cheese, cheez-its, applesauce, microwave popcorn, and bottled water. What do I do with that? These are not anything I would have chosen. I know I am lucky to get anything, but how hard is it to take a few minutes to take us to the store? Why can't she take us to the store ever? We haven't gone to the store in a month.
Anyway, M is done watching her show so now off to find something I can use as a birthday candle. Nope, she didn't get candles either..
1:14 pm T is vacuuming, M is in her party dress. We are waiting for my friend, L to arrive. She is going to stop by Target and pick us up some birthday candles. She called earlier and apparently when my dad answered the phone he didn't really want to let her talk to me before he came and told us there was a phone call. He never hung up the other phone either so I could hear the tv upstairs through my whole conversation. After we talked briefly, I had to go upstairs to hang up the phone. It's like you can't take 5 seconds from your busy day of sitting on your rear to hang up the phone? I am again at the boiling point today. They can be so freakin' selfish. My dad didn't even say "Happy Birthday" to M. T is using the broken vacuum cleaner they gave us. The roller bar is being turned by a rubber band. Just a regular old rubber band. There are two brand new vacuum cleaners upstairs but they won't let us use one because they don't want me to "break it" I get angry at them and then I take it out on my family, it's really not fair. At times I feel it's all T's fault that I am in the mess in the first place. I know it's not something he could have helped but he should try harder to fix this. or something. yes, Happy Birthday!
I lost my train of thought on this so all I can add is that my father NEVER did say "Happy Birthday" to M. My mother spelled M's name wrong on the top of the cake. Also, it was only a one layer cake. I believe you have ask special for a birthday cake like that to be only one layer? She also brought us some fat free frozen yogurt. I asked her why she spelled the name on the cake wrong, she said it must have been the bakery. Then I said it was also written on the birthday card from her. She made her mouth into a tight line and went back upstairs.
Yesterday I asked her to take me to the store so I could get M a cake. I saved a little bit of money to get her a fun character cake and I couldn't wait to go pick one out. I had skimped out on actual presents to get a cake. I got her three presents and the cake was going to be the fourth one. I asked mom to take me to the store so I could get M something special for dinner for her birthday and a cake. She said no, and then said she would get whatever I needed. I told her a cake and something nice for dinner.
She came back that evening with a box of instant macaroni and cheese, cheez-its, applesauce, microwave popcorn, and bottled water. What do I do with that? These are not anything I would have chosen. I know I am lucky to get anything, but how hard is it to take a few minutes to take us to the store? Why can't she take us to the store ever? We haven't gone to the store in a month.
Anyway, M is done watching her show so now off to find something I can use as a birthday candle. Nope, she didn't get candles either..
1:14 pm T is vacuuming, M is in her party dress. We are waiting for my friend, L to arrive. She is going to stop by Target and pick us up some birthday candles. She called earlier and apparently when my dad answered the phone he didn't really want to let her talk to me before he came and told us there was a phone call. He never hung up the other phone either so I could hear the tv upstairs through my whole conversation. After we talked briefly, I had to go upstairs to hang up the phone. It's like you can't take 5 seconds from your busy day of sitting on your rear to hang up the phone? I am again at the boiling point today. They can be so freakin' selfish. My dad didn't even say "Happy Birthday" to M. T is using the broken vacuum cleaner they gave us. The roller bar is being turned by a rubber band. Just a regular old rubber band. There are two brand new vacuum cleaners upstairs but they won't let us use one because they don't want me to "break it" I get angry at them and then I take it out on my family, it's really not fair. At times I feel it's all T's fault that I am in the mess in the first place. I know it's not something he could have helped but he should try harder to fix this. or something. yes, Happy Birthday!
I lost my train of thought on this so all I can add is that my father NEVER did say "Happy Birthday" to M. My mother spelled M's name wrong on the top of the cake. Also, it was only a one layer cake. I believe you have ask special for a birthday cake like that to be only one layer? She also brought us some fat free frozen yogurt. I asked her why she spelled the name on the cake wrong, she said it must have been the bakery. Then I said it was also written on the birthday card from her. She made her mouth into a tight line and went back upstairs.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
