Angry Angry Angry

Since I am tired of ranting and raving at T all morning I will rant and rave at my blog. Let's see how you like it..Blog! Take that! Yes, I woke up to the "knock knock door" and mom asked M if she would like to go to the grocery store with her because someone "Stole all her butter" so she had to go get more. I volunteered myself to go along and she went "Why do you need anything from the store, I got you groceries already?" (onions)"you don't have money to spend anyway" after listening to her blibber blabber she finally agreed. Yelled at M because M didn't want to wear the rain boots she got her in two sizes too big which makes her trip and fall alot. Yelled at M for spilling water on the floor. Yelled at me for anything relating to not having a job.

Made it to the grocery store, already tired and worn out. Went to pick up a loaf of bread from the bakery "Put that back, I have some old bread in the fridge I will give you" started making a scene. everyone was looking at me. I carefully placed the bread back and the bakery help gave me a dirty look "sorry" I mumbled.

"Hurry up and get your groceries, I have to go to the hospital, don't have time for this" she fumed at me. Yelled at M for picking Madagascar yogurt. She loves Madagascar, especially Alex the Lion. My mother tried to switch the yogrut for regular yogurt without Alex on it. I told her "if she wants F'n Alex yogurt let her have it." M asked us to please stop fighting. That got me. That really got me. She took M away to walk to down the aisles because she "didn't want to talk to me anymore, I am too hard to deal with" Everything I had in my basket she had a comment as to why I don't need it and lectures about money. When people gushed over how beautiful and smart M is she preens and turns into the loving grandma "she is my first grandchild, we are so proud of her" liar.

She spilled garbage in her new car and it stunk so the ride to and from the store was nasty. There is a $5 charge for bags of garbage put out in this rich people town but my parents are too cheap to pay it so instead they take all their garbage to the town their other houses are in and put it out there since it's free.

Came home and simply lit into T. I get so angry it is turning on him now. This blistering rage I feel has to go somewhere and it's frequently turning on him because he needs to get me out of here. get me out get me out get me out. I didn't want to come here, he said it would be best for our family.

The way I feel right now is like when you see animals going crazy trying to get away from something and smashing into walls, spinning in circles, biting and clawing trying to get away. If you have ever seen a stray cat in a have a heart trap, thats my feeling.

When I was 17, I wanted to go to art school more than anything in the world. My parents told me I had to go to secretary school because I was too stupid to make it in a real college so that was the only school I would be able to get into. They would not support me in any way unless I went to secretary school. They even picked one out and made me apply. The only dream they have ever had for me is to be a secretary. When I got accepted to make up school on a scholarship my mom said to me "You should stop worrying about your make up and worry about the rest of you"

You can run, but you can't hide. You take it all with you.