Finally posting sorry for being away

I think I am having some kind of brain disconnect. I don't feel overly angry or worried but I can't sleep and I can't concentrate. One of the reasons I haven't been blogging is the lack of focus. My thoughts are vague and fuzzy.

Past few weeks have been just weird. Most of you know about my inheritance problem with my mother. I am supposed to get some money from my grandfather's estate but she keeps giving it to me then pulling it away. It's not even a huge amount of money but for us it's a much needed help. It was during these money wars that I began to feel so I don't care about anything. T's immigration is going nowhere. If I worry about it I feel sick. He doesn't seem to care even though my mother is threatening to kick him out. She says me and M can stay but T will have to go if he doesn't show some kind of progress. With the money we borrowed from a dear friend we were able to buy an old used car. Oddly enough it was owned completely by Japanese so even though it is old, it's in pretty decent shape considering it's age. We do have some transmission work we need to do before it can be perfectly good to drive around in but all the other minor repairs that were needed T has already done. It's wonderful to have a car again. We are able to go to the grocery store when we need to, not wait for my mother to throw macaroni down the stairs. I have been taking M to the library story time once a week so she can see other kids. She has been very sad lately and I haven't able to snap her out of it. She keeps crying and asking to go home and asking me why it's always so dark here. I can't tell her that I feel the same. That everyday I miss my gorgeous house with the view of the mountains. How I miss my friends there. How I miss walking in the mornings in the mist filled valley.........

If I can simply get T to be legal everything will be ok I know it. However, if he doesn't get something done soon I can't continue to let M be without health insurance.

I spent the past few days cleaning the kitchen and trying to clean out the places that mice have lived in or are living with bleach. Can't tell if there are any left or not. To make my life really pleasant the basement ceiling started leaking water. I had to put a bucket on the floor to catch the water coming down from the upstairs. My parents are seriously messed up, they recarpeted my grandmother's room, bought my brother a brand new snowblower, gave my sister money for running into her car, but when I ask them why they don't get the wall fixed where the water is coming in or why they don't hire a cleaning company for their rental property I love they say they have no money and they can't afford it. They told me they won't sponsor T financially because they are simply so poor.

At least we have the car now and we can get away when we need to. When we get the transmission fixed all will be much better.