Another Day Another Wake Up

I wrote about my whole day yesterday but didn't publish it because I had to go upstairs for a "Talk" and it shut off while I was gone.

Today was a repeat of yesterday. Knock Knock Knock Knock, she hands me a can of paint. "put this back" (part of where we live is the utility room) so you woke me up just to ask me to put paint back? This time when she woke us up, M started sobbing in these tired helpless cries that tore me up. I was angry, really angry. Instead of leaving, she sat on the stairs and talked. "I am going back to the hospital today" Actually alot of what she said this morning I can't remember, I was so tired. At one point she started to come downstairs and I told her to go away and go to the hospital. She asked M why mommy was so crabby and I replied "Because I don't like you" and she told me I wasn't a joy either. I never told her how I felt until the past few months when I realized I am tired of trying to impress her, make her proud of me. It's a lost cause. Now I simply Don't Like Her.

I do recall I was going to mention why I had no album covers when I was younger. During my high school years I would buy records and when she didn't like the album cover name or artwork I would find them ripped up on the floor when I came home from school. For instance "the Dead Kennedys" she objected to the name so she ripped that up right away then told me it was an insult to that great family. I never knew what would upset her so I never knew what records would have no covers when I got back. Incidently, she never has done this to my brother or sister.

Back to the present, she has decided we eat too much so she doesn't take us to the grocery store regularly anymore so we keep running low on food. She promised me yesterday to pick up some milk, bread and diaper wipes for us but it's 8:27 pm now and no wipes. *edit apparently she has been home and as I wrote this threw a small pack of diaper wipes down the stairs and left some reduced fat milk. It's like those books "Flowers In The Attic" I am like stuck in a horror movie. Trapped in the basement with no way out.

On a lighter note, despite everything going on around her, my little M has managed to learn to use the potty properly! you go girl!