Mind Fog

Should not have stayed up so late last night. I am literally a zombie. The "knock knock door" was back today in the form of a "Talk" but thankfully M followed me upstairs and mom was afraid to "Talk" in front of her. She ended up writing me a note asking me if I thought M would be upset seeing Grandma in the hospital with a tube up her nose. I don't know, what do you think? She also informed me that she would be taking us to the library before she went back to the hospital. Being half asleep I don't think I understood much about what was going on there conversation wise. She told us to go have breakfast and then she would take me to the library.

After breakfast, -granola bar for M- I got M dressed and tried to make some coffee in the broken coffeemaker they gave us and sure enough today was one of the days it wouldn't work. It's pretty hit or miss with that machine. It's always when I feel I need coffee the most though. To cap off the morning fun the toilet backed up. We have a very small closet bathroom with a shower and toilet and the toilet doesn't always drain properly so you can have a problem there at times. Especially when the basement floods it gets pretty messy, once it overflowed completely into the shower. The back up happens every couple of weeks but today it was in concert with the coffee maker.

Drove to the library with minimal conversation as it's impossible to do small talk with my mom. You never know when the flip out will happen so I am usually quiet. She dropped us off at the front door and then went to do some mysterious errand. M and I went to the children's library and met a very nice woman and her 3 year old and M had fun playing with her until she had to go. I started to browse in the Young Adult section as I was drawn in by the "Twilight" posters (ya ya I read em, you know you did too) I also noticed a copy of "Flowers in the Attic" and thought about rereading it. Like a ninja, mom came up behind me and told me that was the wrong section for M "I know" I replied "I was looking for books for me" she gave me a look of scorn and retorted "Those books are too young for you, get out of there" She picked up some books that M wasn't interested in and told us we had to leave so mom could go back to the hospital. I asked her if she could check out a book for me (adult section book btw) since I have nothing left to read and no library card in the US, she looked at me and picked up her books and walked out. Only that woman can make a short trip to the library be a glimpse of hell. On the way back I made a fatal mistake and tried small talk. "It's really cold out today" I said. She questioned me "Don't you go outside every morning?" warning warning warning my mind alerted me red alert red alert "not today" I replied abandon ship repeat abandon ship "You need to go outside every day, the way you treat M is nothing short of abusive, you never take her outside you need to go outdoors..." and it went on and on and on and on........
She dropped us off at the house and said she was late for the hospital. To really dig a hole for myself I asked her if they made her punch in at the hospital. I got a glare to smite me dead for that one. My mouth is a menace.

With them out of the house we had another full run of the upstairs, so we ate all their tortilla chips - I will pay for that someday- and most of the time my grandmother's personal phone line was ringing. We don't have our own phone line and we are not allowed to answer the phone unless we get permission first. My grandmother who had a stroke and can barely talk has her own phone line. This is how it is. My entire family is on a family cell phone plan for years now, my brother and sister both have their own phone paid for by my parents. I was never invited to have a cell phone with them even when I was in the US. I get a little jealous when they are all discussing their cell phones and what plans they want to go with for next year. My mom doesn't let anyone call her cell phone because she wants to keep the line open for my brother and sister to call her. Indeed, they are the only ones who do.

Later that evening, "The knock knock door" was activated and mom came down with a gallon of fat free milk, we have told her time and again we hate fat free milk. She says I need to take responsibility for my weight or she will do it for me. She got M some juice. I have never given juice to M because I feel it's empty calories but my mom gives it to her non stop even though I constantly ask her not to. One of the reasons M has put on so much weight here. She gave us a box of salt free plain microwave popcorn, yogurt and a loaf of french bread. This is supposed to keep a family of three fed until next week. Then she told me she was going to get a cake for M for her birthday. She knows this was something I was looking forward to doing. I have been so excited to pick out a cake I know M will love and get excited over. Now my mom is taking that away too. She says now that she brought us all these groceries we don't need a ride to the store so stop asking. Only one of my friends will come to M's birthday on Sunday. This is how it is.