Milk....the Final Battleground

Fat free milk vs whole milk, the daily struggle took on a new level today. We really only use milk for our coffee which is our one real vice and M mostly drinks soy milk but for us we like to have it for our morning wake up routine. We both completely hate skim milk in coffee because it's like milk colored water. I don't mind using soy milk or non dairy creamer but he has to have milk. My mom insists that since I am "so fat" I need to use skim milk only and constantly gets us skim milk no matter how many times we ask for whole milk.

We had asked her to take us by the post office if she could find time in her schedule so we could mail a letter off to Japan to get some paperwork we need if we can ever afford to do the immigration application so she grudgingly agreed to take us in the morning. There is a little sort of pizza place/convenience store in the post office so I thought I could pick up some milk while we are there. It's a cold and rainy day, not a good day to be outside. Mom told me I didn't need milk because she had some upstairs and we could just have that. I said no, I didn't want her old skim milk. She brought down the remains of a gallon of skim milk. Around 2 inches left in the bottom. I told her it was ok, I would buy some at the store at the post office.

She drove us over there and parked very far away so we had to walk through the rain along the busy road. We weren't prepared for that so we had no umbrellas or rain gear, we thought it was a quick trip to the post office. Yes, there was parking right in front of the building. I waded through the ankle deep puddle she parked the car in and we slogged our way to the post office. Mom immediately disappeared into the store section with M. I paid for the letter to go to Japan then I went over to the store section to get milk. As I picked up a gallon of milk and headed for the register all of a sudden mom started yelling at me in front of all the people in the store "I already gave you milk, you don't need that! put it back!" and I responded "No, I want to buy some milk that we want to get, and have more than the little bit you gave me" and M said "Mommy I am so hungry". M hadn't eaten yet because we don't have much for breakfast food so I hadn't given her anything yet. I asked her what she wanted to eat and Mom said "She has plenty to eat at home" grabbed M's kiddy umbrella out of T's hands and stormed off with M into the parking lot. T and I were appalled and embarassed. I had asked the clerk not to finish ringing up my sale because I had wanted to add something in for M to eat. The clerk didn't meet my eyes and simply said "$4.59 please". It was awful. We drove back to the house in silence and mom parked on the street and made us walk through the rain up their long driveway to the house.

We have lost so much money because of her, having to spend money on motels when we could have simply stayed in the spare room upstairs, not being able to go to a grocery store we can afford, having to pay her for groceries we don't want or need, having to order delivery food because she won't take us to the store etc..T always wants me to argue with her about everything but he doesn't realize I can't. If they throw us out we have no where to go. I have to bite my lip and bear it as much as I can for now. It's a catch 22 life.

I was fantasizing last night about living in Hawaii. T found out that the Hair dresser's license test is administered in Japanese as well. There is a perfect mix of culture for M to grow up in. There are lots of Japanese there and many signs in Japanese. There are Japanese stores and half Japanese children. Everyone is so nice to M and she is so happy there. I am not one for tropical heat but if my family is happy, then I am happy. Plus M is obsessed with Hula. When we were last in Hawaii, M met a famous Ukelele player who played especially for M and said she really has something special in her hula. It was amazing. Next to living in NZ again that would be a perfect place for us. If someday we can pull ourselves up out of this morass of unhappiness we call a life perhaps we can go there and live. Or I can sink into fantasy life and live in a mental hospital but really think I live on an island. Didn't that happen in "LOST"? with the fat guy there, Hurley? I have no idea what is going on in that show.


Until then, it's Battle Royale of the dairy variety.